Nothing Years Of Therapy Won't Fix

My five year old niece at the Thanksgiving table, after a telling a slew of typical little kid jokes states: "What did the tornado say to the lamb?" I'M GONNA EAT YOU!"

Upon being asked where that joke came from her face dropped and she made a look of sheer horror and said in a whisper: "It was in my dream last night"

Wissinoming

Overheard by concerned aunt

Alcohol Kills All Pain

Girl Eagles Fan watching Eagles v. Bears: "Get me a margarita so I don't have to hear it anymore"

Field House

Overheard by betsyvonawesome

Kahula And Cream

Woman on phone to child: "Mommy don't drink beer no more she drinks chocolate milk!"

Croydon
Overheard by Claire

I Find Assholes Are Rarely Cordial

Girl on bike, wearing helmet, riding the right way down 10th Street, narrowly misses getting hit by a dude, wearing headphones but no helmet, riding real fast on the sidewalk in the wrong direction on Bainbridge.

Girl: "Woah! Hey, you almost killed me - watch where you're going!"
Bike Dude, over his shoulder as he continues on his way: "Fuckin' idiot. Nice helmet!"


10th and Bainbridge

Overheard by Janiebell

Give Thanks That You Aren't That Cat

Philly cop, referring to a cat with a chicken bone down on the tracks: “That’s a SEPTA cat. Don’t mess with it. It’ll take your face off.”

City Hall Broad St. Line platform
Overheard by Eric

Small Business Owner

Guy: "You can't be a pimp and a prostitute too! I just doesn't work that way!"

Girl: "I'll do what I gotta do to feed my baby!"


Market st
Overheard by Allie!

Oh My Stars And Garters!

Girl 1: "I feel like this is a Christian band."

Girl 2: "Oh no. He said 'Fuck' "

The Blockley

Overheard by betsyvonawesome

Are These 'Real' Americans?

North Philly girls discussing why they had been out of contact

.
Slightly crazy girl: "well you know, they locked me up for 30 days but it wasnt all bad. I aint got cable at home anyway plus no screamin' kid runnin around."

Slightly more crazy and tweaking girl fires back: "bitch you lucky, my mom made me get a job".

Cottman & Frankford

Overheard by Locked Up A Broad

Quiet Car?

Ghetto on cell phone: "Good f***ing morning." "What the f*** do you want?" "Watch your f***ing mouth it is too f***ing early in the f***ing morning and I ain't smoked a f***ing blunt yet."

(He proceeds to drop the f bomb 35 more times in a 3 minute convo... I counted)

PATCO Train
Overheard by F***ing Irritated

Must Be The Rust Belt

In Chestnut Hill, as I was crossing Germantown Ave, two women I front of me, one says to the other emphatically: "Philadelphia is a red state!"

Germantown Ave & Bethlehem Pike

Overheard by Iamspencer

Thin The Herd

"I was born by the pussy, I will die by the pussy. I don't care if I get aids!"

Outside CCP Main Campus

Overheard by Evil Cactus

Life's Mysteries

Unseen Philosopher: "Why women be smelling all like hamburgers?"

Broad and Cecil B. Moore

Overheard by Cyril Figgus

And We Were Going Spelunking!

A teenage girl to her friends:
"So we asked to go to the bathroom, and we were in there for a while talking. So we had to tell the teacher an excuse for why we were in there. So she goes back to the classroom and says to him 'Um...I know you don't want to here this, but Becca got a tampon stuck in her vagina'

Septa bus

Overheard by A weirded out eavesdropper

Minority Report Please!

guy walking by on his cell phone: "dude, i had a dream last night. i finally murdered that girl, and it was really graphic...."

South Street

Overheard by Chatterbox06

Men Can Enjoy The Finer Things In Life

Couple walking down the aisle, boyfriend stops at an end cap with blankets to feel the fabric.

Boyfriend: "OOo I like this Jaun."

Girlfriend: (inspects) "Boy,I don't like none of that"

South Philly Walmart on Delaware Ave

Overheard by mf boozer

Abstinence Only Education Is Failing Us

White Girl 1: "My friend's pregnant. She hopes it's black baby or a dog. They're both cute."
White Girl 2: "Yea, black babies are cuter."

City Hall

Overheard by betsyvonawesome

Neither, That's What's So Strange

Girl: "She sews a lot. Does she have a lot of cats or children?"

at work

Overheard by Mr. Kitty

Modern Relationships Are Weird

Guy: "so the girl im seeing has an official name now."

Guy 2: "oh yeah?"

Guy: "yeah, roommate. She was always over anyway and this way I still don't have to call her girlfriend. I can just say 'no i don't have a girlfriend but im banging my roommate.'"

the cube farm

Overheard by Scottie Onetime

Human Beings Can Rationalize Anything

Big fat girl: "so I have to go to the doctors this afternoon for bloodwork?"

Other big fatty:" for what diabetes?"

Big fat girl: "yeah, as im sitting here googling cupcakes. I figure its not offical yet so its still fair game".

the cube farm

Overheard by Scottie Onetime

But I Get Sleepy!

Teen boy on cell phone: What?! Plenty of stuff happens after 9 o'clock! (pause) See, that's why your gay ass is never gonna be shit in life.

Baltimore Ave and Church Ln in Lansdowne

Overheard by how2know

Message Confusion

Talking about drug and ways to say no

Boy one: "Just tell them you'd rather not get pregnant."

Science Leadership
Overheard by Allie!

Service Work Is Unforgiving

Cart guy: "Can I help you?"
Old Lady: "Give me a mild hot sausage"
Cary guy: "Do you want mild or hot?"
Old Lady: "Yes"


Street Foodcart, NE corner 11th & Sansom, across from Jeff
Overheard by jr

Wah? Really!?

Guy: "Man, I wish there were bonfires back home."

Girl: "Well, we could go to AA."

Guy: "But we aren't alcoholics!"

Girl: "So? They have bonfires at their meetings sometimes."

Grocery Store in Bensalem
Overheard by WD 40

Yeah, Probably The Second One

Girl on the El fist pumping in a tutu: "I'm not sure if the guys are checking me out or if their trying to figure out what mental ward to call."

The El
Overheard by Allie!

High Standards?

Woman on the phone: "He has to have all A's, believe in god, and be smoking hot to get into Roman."


Septa route 27
Overheard by Allie!

That Is True Devotion

"Yeah I'm gonna get his ashes put into a keychain"


shopping center, Bensalem
Overheard by Whose ashes? A pet/person? creepy either way