CIA Initiation. You Failed.

Guy approaches me as I'm picking up my dog's crap:" It's really dangerous around here...Have a nice day."

Then he walks away.


Elkins Park, where it is not dangerous...
Overheard by Claire

Not Me. Flat As A Board.

Homeless guy: "I HAVE AN ASS"

Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Me too, it's pretty awesome

Geriatric Sex Ed Fail

Crazy Old Guy: "I ain't fair I tell ya. Ain't fair. I took my inhaler and the bitch still got pregnant!"

Willow Grove Mall
Overheard by WD40

Scottie Onetime? And All These Years I Thought It was Leet Speak For Shit.

Guy trying to get past another as both were walking out the door of restaurant.

Guy 1: "excuse me.. can I.. excuse.. can.." (then just pushes past the other guy carrying takeout literally like 2 feet from the door)

Guy 2: "what? OH am I walking too slow for you?? ...DICKHEAD!!! Yeah you heard me you DICKHEAD!!"

Mr China
Overheard by S.1T i.e. Scottie Onetime

Pretentious Is As Pretentious Does

Co-Worker #1: "How can you be sure it's a legit Fancy Rat though? What if the person's just really pretentious and is calling a regular ol' sewer rat fancy."

Co-Worker #2: "DNA Test."

My Cube Farm
Overheard by WD40

Can't Have Happy Walmart Employees. It Would Ruin Their Image

Old white walmart "greeter": ::Singing something vaguely Sinatra-like::

Young black walmart employee: "Would ya turn off the fuckin' juke box already? Good lord, give the man a new pacemaker and he feels the need to serenade is."

Walmart
Overheard by Currrly

What A Friend We Have In Jesus

Girl: "Where's your friend?"

Guy: "Oh, I had to ditch her."

Girl: "Why?"

Guy: "She said she found God. I'm really getting sick of this. I'm losing friends to mortgages and babies and weddings, and now I'm losing friends to God."


Center City, 18th and Market
Overheard by havennotfoundgod

There Are A Lot Of Worse Places In Between

Megabus driver: "Anyone here familiar with the Harrisburg area? I have directions to get to Harrisburg, the problem is finding the stop. (shrug) All right, we try."

Megabus attendant: "Remember, that passenger behind you has a GPS if you need it."

Megabus driver: "Don't worry. Worst scenario we end up in Florida."


Megabus
Overheard by I DO Prefer Florida to Harrisburg...

Stay On Target!

Don't go in the bathroom. "Someone was dropping the kids off at the pool and missed the pool entirely."

Co-Worker #2: "Shh not so loud. What if it was someone here that did it? They could hear you!"

Co-Worker #1: "Good! They deserved to be shamed!"

My Cube Farm
Overheard by WD-40

I Hear Wawas Have Good Bathrooms

Man in line at Wawa on cell: "Where am I ? I'm taking a shit, no I can't be there, I have to take a shit I will be there when I can, When you gotta take a shit, you gotta take a shit"
hangs up phone and pays for purchase

Wawa near Airport
Overheard by Joe Camel

Unfortunate

Woman Sex Educator, discussing male circumcision as a means of reducing STDs: "So that is just another small tool in your toolbox."

11th & Market
Overheard by Mad Mike

Daddy!

"I was a male prostitute the year you were born"


Bus ride, Malvern
Overheard by Claire

My Shit Don't Stink

Woman yelling into her cell phone: "That girl...she don't know shit! Even if she did know shit, she wouldn't know it stank!!"


Market East Station
Overheard by train commuter

Does Bi-Bi Mean Gay?

Guy 1: "So my friend told everyone last week that she was bi..."
Guy 2: "Hmmmm, are you sure? May be she was just saying 'buh-bye'?

Bucks County
Overheard by Almatinka

Did He Cry To Mommy?

Guy at the Jack Johnson show: "That drunk Barbie over there tried to steal his woobie."

Susq Center in Camden
Overheard by Chaz (who noticed hundreds of drunk Barbies there)

I Am So Confused...

Girl to a group of friends: "I learned how to say 'Gigolo' in Chinese. It's 'duck'!"

Friend: "Duck?"

Girl: "Yeah, duck! Like, 'quack, quack'!"

West Philly
Overheard by Anonymous

You Let THAT Impregnant You?

Guy to his pregnant wife: "So what if we can't have sex, you can have a nice helping of throat yogurt instead."


Narberth
Overheard by Chaz

But They Both Have Porn

old man to other old man: "i'm tellin' you man. the internet and the web are two different things. there's the internet, and there's the web. they two different things. there's stuff on the internet, and there's stuff on the web. two different things man."


outside of towers hall, drexel university
Overheard by freshie freshman

...And The Problem Is?

Friend to his brother wearing a T-shirt with several comic book super heroes: "Look at yourself! It's like wearing 4 pairs of Underroos at once!"


Narberth
Overheard by Chaz

But No Sex Ed Until You're 30

Note that this is in the Mutter Museum and the daughter in question can't be older than 7.

Mother *pointing to a skeleton of an infant*: "Look sweetie, that's what you kill when you have an abortion."


The Mutter Museum
Overheard by Erin

Thermodynamics...wha?

2 girls in their late teens on the 100 line heading out of 69th Street: "You put juice on the counter and it gets warm. You put food on the counter and it gets cold. I don't get it."

Back of the 100 line train
Overheard by Chaz

Punch The Hipster

Bewildered male pedestrian stopped to consider whether to walk by either a crazy homeless man gesticulating wildly on one side of the sidewalk, or an annoying Save the Children/Environment hipster with a clipboard on other side: "I'm not sure which is worse..."


10th & Market
Overheard by Mad Mike

Learn A New Stereotype Everyday

Co-Worker: "Oh, so because I'm black I must like cake? Is that how it is?"

Other Co-Worker: "Yep, pretty much. So, want some cake?"


My Cube Farm
WD40

Dirty Old Douchebags

85-ish year-old man to equally old friend - "She said she had a boyfriend. But I don't give a fuck about a fish fry, I give her a pint of sloe gin and she'll be good to go."

Underneath the Erie-Torresdale El station
Overheard by MTSBspidey

Coming Out Of The Closet Is Easy With Pets

40-something woman #1: "Oh, look, there's that kitten! I just want to take him home!"

40-something woman #2: "You know you're turning into That Cat Lady, don't you?"

#1: "I know, isn't it crazy? And I've always been such a dog person."

#2, sighing, "Well, what the hell, we all change. Cat-lady there, bisexual here..."

Broad & Carlisle
Overheard by Who knew?

Television Show Titles Are All True

Black teen, asking her friends puzzledly: "Why does everyone love Raymond, but everyone hates Chris???"


40th and Locust, in front of Penn Dental
Overheard by Nonplussed Penn Student

Nope

Bimbo in Bikini: "Is this the boardwalk?"

Atlantic City Boardwalk
Overheard by duker

Sound Advice. Now Go Home!

Girl: "Philly! Woohoo! I have literally 17 people meeting me out tonight."

Boy: "Sweet."

Girl: "I've never been there. I asked people for advice yesterday about traveling to Philly. The only advice I got was to try not to get stabbed."

Young couple, late 20s, traveling on the 6:30 a.m. Megabus from New York to Philly
Overheard by Dan

Mating Call Of The Wild Dude

Some dude on the phone: "Look that bitch treatin' me like I got HIV. I ain't got no AIDS and shit!"


31st and Market
Overheard by Bob

Marriage Is all About Face Palm

Husband: "You are buying another picture frame?!"

Wife: "Yes. It's only $1.99."

Husband: "Yeah but we have whole box of them downstairs in the basement. Why can't you use one of them?"

Wife: "Because they are all full of pictures. Duh."


The Checkout Line @ Good's Store
Overheard by WD40

Older Than Stonewall

Guy: "he's so gay, he's a parade"

House party with the gays.
Overheard by Betsyvonawesome