Chivalry Is Dead

While changing a flat tire at 2am in a 'not very nice' part of downtown Trenton as I'm getting spare from under car, four separate cars stop and ask:

Each guy: "Yo, is that nigga dead?"
My gf in the car: "No we have a flat tire. Do you have a jack?"
Each guy: "Nah." (and drive away)

Trenton
Overheard by a frozen S.1T

Fucking Sparkly Vampires

One teenage boy holding a DVD to another: "Now this is what a real werewolf looks like!"


FYE Video Section
Overheard by Too Much Twilight

I Am So Confused

Cross-eyed girlfriend to her yellow-toothed boyfriend, getting his hand kissed by another woman:
"You can have him and his guinea pig. He wants to make it watch G-Force. He talks to it like it'll talk back."


34 Trolley between 30th and 36th Streets
Overheard by Trolley Tortured

Why Not Wait For The DVD?

An altercation in a theater between a very chatty woman and a guy across the aisle who wants her to be quiet...

Guy: Shut the F#$% up! (twice)

Woman: I don't have to shut up, I paid $10 I can talk during the movie if I want....p#$$y!

Guy: P#$$y?! What are you, ghetto? (short pause) C#nt!

Woman's Boyfriend: Sssh calm down you're pregnant.


Riverview Movie Theater, South Philly
Overheard by I Heart the Riverview

Hanging With Michael Vick

Guy 1: "That's animal cruelty."

Guy 2: "Yeah, but it was awesome."


Watching the Crimson Tide
Overheard by Shoo-Fly Ry

There Are No Other Options?

me: "where is this guy?"

pink lady: "he said he had a prior engagement. that means he is calling some redhead that said hi to him on the street 20 times, or he really does have a prior engagement and he's eating dinner with Metallica and President Obama"

my apartment in south philly
Overheard by @k3v0

Someday I Will Be Contacted About A Cold Case

Woman on my elevator: Oh, you found the knife?!
[PAUSE]

What?!

[PAUSE]

IN WHO?!

[And then she got off and I have never been so disappointed]

Wanamaker Building
Overheard by timmyG!

Open Air Career Counseling

Homeless Man addresses a very dignified pinstriped suited, silk-tied, wingtipped silver-haired executive type:

Homeless Man: "Great shoes and socks, man."

Executive: (surprised, laughs) "Thank you."

Homeless Man: (very serious) "Take 'em off. I want them."

Executive: (going along with the joke) "You mean just take them off right here - on the street? Shoes AND socks?"

Homeless Man: (very serious) "Yes. They belong to me now. They ain't yours no more."

Executive: (startled, tries to laugh it off) "If I take off my shoes and socks, how can I go to my office in my bare feet?"

Homeless Man: (thinks) "What do you do?"

Executive: (laughs again, but nervous) "I'm a VP in banking."

Homeless Man: (thoughtful) "You can't back to work then, never again. You gotta quit your job. You'll like goin' barefoot - you'll get used to it real fast. Maybe grow a beard. Now step outa those fancy shoes. I ain't got all day....."

The executive starts to walk away quickly...

Homeless Man:..."And I know somebody who'll buy that suit and tie off you, too."

Broad Street
Overheard by A Listening Ear

I Fear For His Pre-School Teacher

Young Mom talking about kid who can't be older than 3: "He just loves his coffee, can't wake up without it. Every morning he runs right up to the coffee machine and shouts 'COFFEE!COFFEE!COFFEE!COFFEE!' until I make him a cup."


25 bus
Overheard by MTSBspidey

Cattle Prods Are Great Incentives

black girl behind me, talking during Sherlock Holmes, this time when Holmes pulls out the electric rod to shock his enemy: "I wish I had one of dem next time RayJ tries to cheat on me"


KOP
Overheard by next time? bih you stoopid

Preach It Brother

Suit #1: So I was watching "Jersey Shore" last night...
Suite #2: Did you really just start a statement with that phrase?

19th and Spring Garden
Overheard by Currrly

Caress Me Lovingly And I'm Yours

man at bar to friend(?) not jokingly: "If you touch me on the forehead I'll kill you"

McGlincheys
Overheard by J and J

Ah Yes, Network TV Has Begun Again....

Teenage Girl: "Clarification: are we sure the colt can kill Satan? And do we know where it is?"


Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Sara

13th Step Is Impatience

2 guys enter liquor store early afternoon on New Year's Eve. Seeing the lines going to the back of the store one turns to the other and says, "I'd rather be sober than wait in this line!"

State Store on Chestnut at 13th
Overheard by Mad Mike

Maybe God's Just Been Around A Really Long Time?

"she's a legend. Not because she does drag, but b/c she's as old as Hell."

In DE
Overheard by Betsyvonawesome

Leads A Sheltered Life

Girl to Guy: "The greatest shame in life is having to return a Snuggie."


The Green Line Cafe 43rd & Baltimore
Overheard by Zachus

Depending On Age, Those Seem Pretty High

Random girl on cell phone: "Where does she find these guys? I'd love to know what her standards for picking them are. Clean underwear? Check. No felony record? Check. OK, I'll marry him."


R7 from Trenton
Overheard by Currrly

I Will Never Get That Image Out Of My Head

Saleswoman #1: "How was your Christmas?"

Saleswoman #2: "Oh it was good. Watched my mother give a striptease to bum on the corner."

Saleswoman #1: "What?! Oh I have to hear this..."

Saleswoman #2: "Yeah. She's 90 years old and was completely lit. We were standing on the street corner in Philly waiting for a bus and she started removing her fur coat and grinding up against this bum standing on the corner."

Saleswoman #1: "Oh my God and are you serious?!"

Saleswoman #2: "Yes. She started to remove her shirt too but then the bus came."

Neshaminy Mall
Overheard by WD40

Silence All Magical Devices

Guy in full Ren Faire garb. Cell phone rings. Looks at caller id sees it is a friend. "why the hell is this guy calling me on a Sunday afternoon in Ren Season!"

Pa ren faire
Overheard by Joe camel

I Learned It From Watching You Dad!

Father(to 3 year old son): "No, you don't want to be a guido."

Franklin Mills
Overheard by Ned

So, Yes?

girl 1:"are you from a foreign country?"

girl 2: " I'm from Atlanta."

on the Twitters
Overheard by betsyvonawesome

God Damn Baby Took My Boobs

Guy: "So this is what my life has been reduced to: reminding my wife which boob my kid last ate from."


Deptford Mall
Overheard by WD40

Before or After Playgirl?

20ish black girl venting to her homegirl: "HELLLLLL girl... even LEVI got a bonus.... I'MMA HATE!!"

15th & Walnut
Overheard by Levi likes his money.

Obviously Did Not Attend The Local University

Office drone: "I don't think I can take Kelly*'s stupid questions much longer. I feel like most things I say to her bounce right back off her head and into space. The important stuff floats away, and the unimportant stuff sticks."

Manager: "I don't think her brain has a selectively permeable membrane... but I do understand what you mean. It's like trying to talk to my 90-year old Grandfather... you ask him something like "Hey Pop, how'd the Phillies do yesterday?" and he answers with "No, I didn't get my nap today.""

Princeton, NJ
Overheard by Currrly

...And It Was Decaf

Guy #1: "I feel stoned for some reason."

Guy #2: "Maybe it was all the coffee."

Guy #1: "No, the coffee is why I just had raging diarrhea."


Plymouth Meeting Mall
Overheard by kcr

Interracial Understanding Has To Start Somewhere

[Women are looking in a shop window at bizarre seasonal display]

"Is that a chocolate Dik-dik up there?"

"...and how often does anyone ever get to ask that question?"

"Maybe if Mrs. Dik-dik gets lucky?"


16th St, just past JFK Blvd
Overheard by Rhet

Destroying Stereotypes One Overheard At A Time

Young Asian Girl: "So she came to me and was like, "Guess what?" So I was like, "What?" Then she was like, "I just figured something out - if I study for something, I get an A, if I don't study, I fail!" So I was like, "Oh my God!" and she was all, "I know, right?!""

Friend [rolls eyes]: "Wow! What a revolutionary discovery!"


Septa Route 18
Overheard by Kids These Days

You Never Know Where That Phone Has Been

"Okay...Okay...I believe you! Just stop licking my phone!!!" -A woman pleading with her boyfriend


2009 Army/Navy Game at Lincoln Financial Field
Overheard by Army Fan

Maybe?

Guy in the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru at 11 am: "Are you guys still serving breakfast?"

Dunkin Donuts, Northeast Philly
Overheard by no, we serve filet mignon

Whale Tail Is Not A Coin Slot

"I spilled three beers and spent two quarters in the wrong section."

-A drunk guy named Matt talking to a friend during in the first quarter of the 2009 Army/Navy Game

Lincoln Financial Field
Overheard by Army fan

Squirting?

Girl indicating a restaurant: "I thought you said it was closed?"'

Man seriously: "Yeah well they're just going to reopen it with another name like 'Pussy Juice' or something."

Old City
Overheard by Not as appetizing as it sounds...

So Now Smooth Hands Are Gay? I Am So Confused.

Pilot 1 washing hands: "You know with the dry weather the skin on my hands keeps cracking"

pilot 2: "I don't want this to sound gay but I put olive oil in rubber gloves to keep that from happening."


Joe Camel: "when you start something I don't want to sound gay, it sounds gay"


Men's Room Atlantic Aviation Philly Airport
Overheard by Joe Camel

I Doubt The Submitter Has Ever Been To A Library

A worker at the library, "Men i am going to have to clean up the bathroom today the person in thare is making it smell like a bist." and they started to spray an air freshier after ward wail the person was in the bathroom.

library

Overheard by Lewam Girmay

Did It Work?

"You have really pretty eyes"

"Thank you sir"

"I didn't know stars came this close to the earth"


Temple
Overheard by just discoverd this website

Call Of The Wild Slut

(Girl and guy discussing tolerances and drinking)
Girl: "Don't you ever just drink cuz you like the taste? I don't drink to get drunk... it just kinda happens."


getting Chinese takeout
Overheard by S.1T

"You Smell Good" Is A Gay Pickup Line?

Guy 1: "What's that you got on? Is that Cool Water?"

Guy 2: "Yeah, actually, it is Cool Water."

Guy 1: "It smells good.....I'm not gay."

Corner of Bustleton & Cottman
Overheard by Tedster

Stay Classy Guy #2

Guy 1: "I hate breaking the seal. Now Im gonna have to piss all night. Im gonna wake up and have to piss even."

Guy 2: "Nah eff that. The only time I wake up anymore is if I have to drop a duke. You know.. the "wake you up" duke."


Grey Lodge Pub
Overheard by S.1T

Every Year Should Start With Ukee

Guy spots Patrick Stoner at a movie screening in the audience. He quickly goes over him and states: "Your Patrick Stoner, you interviewed Madonna!"

PS replies: "Twice"

sitting next to PS is news anchor Ukee Washington.

Guy: "Who are you?"

UW: "John Bolaris!"


Old City, Ritz Bourse
Overheard by Shazz