Me Think Thou Doth Protest Too Much

Skinny little dude (about 5'6", 100 lbs) talking to his even skinnier little friend: "Yeah, she was big as hell - 250 at least. But don't nobody wanna bone but a dog."

The clothespin
Overheard by Amazed and Amused

Billy Likes Goats...What Is Wrong With Billy?

REGULAR LOOKING MIDDLE AGED GUY #1: "Well how much is it?"

GUY #2: "About 20 dollars a gallon but you don't need as many goats, that's for sure."

south street
Overheard by kept on walking

Chicks Who Masturbate == Hot. Racists == Not Hot.

Racism is like porn...it's publicly taboo, but everyone does it. If you say you're not racist, it's like you're a chick saying you don't masturbate, which is totally fucking false and everyone knows it.

Philly
Overheard by Me

That's Detective Bartender To You

Bartender: "Child molesters don't drive saabs!"

The Dive
Overheard by planetxerox

Dr. Smith Lost His License For A Reason

Bum says, "your heart beats the fastest when you're sleeping."

CC
Overheard by Dick

I'll Bring The Green Bean Casserole

black woman to her friend: "are u providing the pussy? alright then!"

store on South Street
Overheard by ReppinDa215

Didn't Want to Confuse Any Other Bitches On The Street

Black girl in a car to another black girl walking down the street: "Black biiiiiitch!"

Alcott and Colgate
Overheard by amused neighbor

It's Almost Abbott and Costello....Almost....

Guy 1: "So I saw you had a note on your desk from security, was that serious or was someone having some fun with you?"

Guy 2: "I don't know, I would've thought security would leave a number but a joker would have wanted "to do a reveal and see my face."

Guy 1: Well it wasn't me and I knew nothing of it, in case you were wondering."

Guy 2: (using fingerquotes) "Yeah I didn't think it was you unless you used your "Girl Handwriting" superpower"

Guy 1: "Well I could have but I would have needed 24 hours to recharge my superpower meter, and you know you just can't do that before a holiday weekend involving pyrotechnics. You're just begging for a hook hand."

R7
Overheard by Hook-hand

Another Child To Pray For

Trashy Trailer Park type woman in toy aisle shouting to man with her. "I say we buy him a truck. The kid ain't right. Ya know what he calls his monkey? A Dikie! You know that little fruit loop is going to grow up and become a dancer."



Target
Overheard by Diane

Anti-Bullying Awareness Only Goes So Far

High school teenager to his friend: "If you ever make inflammatory and defacing comments whilst I'm around, I'll pop you in yo mouth."

Germantown
Overheard by Joan

Cerebral Implant Of Wikipedia

Lady: Whats going on?

Guy: Apparently Mr xxxx threw out all his encyclopedias and dictionaries because he knows everything now.

at the office
Overheard by S.1T

Columbus Was Italian

middle aged Italian-American lawyer explaining Native Americans to his daughter:

"Sweetie, the Native Americans were the people who originally lived here...before we took their land...well not us, we're Italian, we didn't really have anything to do with all that..."

Starbucks near Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by justwantstodrinkhislatte

Only Clean Asshole Around Here Is You

Woman walking by: "I wonder if the homeless use them as bidets"

in reference to the fountains in Rittenhouse Square

Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Delancey09

France: That Hotbed Of Religious Fervor

Sassy mom to her teenage daughter: "Girl, please! This ain't France... *we* ain't going to the mountains to be with Jesus..."

Hahnemann Hospital, 15th & Vine
Overheard by vismajor

Timestamps Are Always Useful In Shaming Litterbugs

Me: [chiding the woman sitting next to me for deliberately dropping trash on the floor and then refusing to pick it up] "You should be ashamed of yourself."

Her: "Fuck you, sir."

On the Market-Frankford Train, at 8th St., July 2, 6PM
Overheard by poohbear

Substitute "White" For "Black"....Still Funny?

Scene: A black family is walking down the street and their 3 year-old daughter starts playing with the revolving door.

Father to daughter: "Why do you want to go in there? That's a college."

Near 32nd and Market, in font of a Drexel engineering building
Overheard by jbs

Someone Who Is Comfortable In Her Skin....All 400 Lbs Of It

R7 Conductor "Ticket please."

Woman: "I'm fat & I just ran to catch this train. You're gonna have to give me a minute."

R7
Overheard by Telan

What The Hell Is A Touristy Hat?

Old woman in touristy hat: "Those buses in Center City are a rip. You have to pay for them. That's why I go to New York."

PATCO (Which Isn't Free)
Overheard by PATCO Commuter

Another Recession Story

Disheveled middle aged woman, clearly sans bra to an equally disheveled man: "I may be a ho' but I ain't no cheap ho'!"

63rd & Market
Overheard by WestSideElRide

I Thought He Was Dead

Danny Bonaduce: "He would kill you to death!"

his show on 94.1
Overheard by all the way to death?

Ahhh, The Ignorance Of Youth

Younger black boy: "Tanning? That's what they're doing?"

Older black boy: "Yeah, they also call it sunbathing... I dunno..."

Younger boy shakes his head as they continue on their merry way.

Rittenhouse Square, sunny Saturday afternoon
Overheard by Fully Clothed in Public Squares

I Have A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts

Unseen woman: "Avocadooos..... Avocadoes...."

Girl across the street: "AVOCADOS! WHERE ARE YOU KATIE???"

Unseen woman: "The whole neighborhood knows I want avocados."

West Philly
Overheard by MC

Michael Jackson Will Be Missed

Young man racing down the sidewalk towards CHOP yells at someone down the street: "Who's supervising the children?!"

38th & Spruce
Overheard by Dude I Have No Idea

That's Olympic-level Accuracy

Drinking gamer: "Throw tequila on his taint!"

shore house
Overheard by Chaz

Carrot Juice Constitutes Murder

Maoz Vegetarian Counter Worker yelling to Supervisor in the kitchen: "Is our eggplant vegan?"

Supervisor: "It's eggplant!"


Maoz on Chestnut Street
Overheard by Andrew on the bus (at Maoz)

This Guy Never Looks Up From The Scorecard

Miscellaneous Phillies Fan: "What's it called again...The Green Thing?"

Phillies Game at Citizens Bank Park
Overheard by IHeartPedro

Twitter, Represent!

WOMAN: "I'm sweating buckets. "

MAN: "It's kinda cool in here. We have a/c. "

WOMAN: "It's that time of my life. "

MAN: "Good answer."

No idea where
Overheard by telan

If Shit Is Wrong I Don't Want To Be Right

Tiny yet angry little black woman on her cell phone: "You know you wrong as shit! That's why!"

On the 100 line
Overheard by Chaz - feeling sad for the guy on the other end of the phone

Submitter's Name Says It All

Two girls trashing a friend who joined the military.. "She's not going to make it. I bet she becomes one of those losers who goes A.O.L."

2nd and Chestnut
Overheard by At Ease with Fios

Just Like Last Night In Your Parent's Basement

On the subject of the soap dispenser in the men's room at the Convention Center.

Guy #1 - "Eww, this feels like someone's coming on my hand."

Guy #2 - "Oh, you prefer it your face?"

Wizard World comic book convention
Overheard by mtsbspidey

I Hear Wedding Bells!

Heavily tattooed couple having a mild disagreement, gent says: "That's how this relationship works.. We talk about how you feel and then we decide it's horseshit."

Target on City Ave
Overheard by Paging Dr Phil

Jesus Was A Hobo

(crazy homeless lady dancing on the street like she's drunk)

crazy homeless lady: "i could be the hobo jesus!'

outside of macy's
Overheard by me

Yeah, But What Was She Watching?

Woman 1: "She had the baby and she didn't even go into labor!"

Woman 2: "What?!"

Woman 1: "Yeah, she was sitting on the couch watching tv and she relaxed too much and the baby's head just slipped right out!"

Woman 2: "Whoa."

Penn's Landing
Overheard by JLo

And You Played VIDEO GAMES?!?!

20something male hipster: "I used to go over there all the time to play video games. I went over to play Street Fighter and it was just... dildos and porn everywhere. Dildos and porn on the wall. Dildos and porn everywhere."

15th and Chestnut
Overheard by Crackberry Girl

Don't Fear The Clit

Guy on cell: "You got to call the gynecologist about that."

"Well are you gonna call the gynecologist?"

"You should because I ain't never seen it look like that."

Temple Center City Campus
Overheard by I don't want to know

Good To Diversify In These Trying Times

Coworker talking about daughter's career plans: "Well what she wants is to become a dolphin trainer. But I think she could use that same skill set and do good work with the mentally retarded."

DelCo Office
Did I just hear that?!

Happy Birthday America!

Guy1 to Guy2: "Meh.. pride can always regenerate itself again in the morning."

Silk City
Overheard by S.1T

Every Domestic Dispute Starts Somewhere

Girl 1: "How do you think I could get him to stay?"

Girl 2: "Well, you could do what I did with his brother and just get pregnant. That way he has to stay."

Girl 1: "Yeah, I thought about that but that means I'll be stuck with a kid too."

Girl 2: "But you'll have him."

Birthday Party
Overheard by G

Mets (and Sox) Still Suck

Dude from the Northeast decked out in Phillies gear: "I hate the Mets, but I bought a Strawberry jersey. Any guy who can blow rails, bangs hookers and win the World Series is fucking awesome."

Citizens Bank Park
Overheard by SoxPhan

I Thought KB Was Out Of Business

A lady throwing a tantrum and arguing with a sales associate in the middle of the store because they didn't have the Wii she put on hold.

Lady: "I need to talk to ya'll manager! What am I gonna tell my child?"

Clerk: "I don't care what you tell him!"

Lady: "you bout to stop talking to me like that! I ain't your momma!"

Clerk: "I'll shoot you and my mom!"


KB toys in North Philly
Overheard by tracy

MC Hammer?

Very large old man, running down an alley: "WIGGY WIGGY WOO! WIGGY WIGGY WOO! WIGGY WIGGY WIGGY WIGGY WIGGY WIGGY WOO! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!"

Tacony, NE Philly
Overheard by Lindsay