In My Day We Actually Heard People Say Things.

Drunk Penn Football Frat Dude: "There is no way, NO WAY that they're making that clay-mation".

Overheard via text message sent from UPenn campus
Overheard by m.s.

Sure, I'll Pimp Your Beer And Theatre! Do I Get A Six-Pack?

Bartender: "What can I get you?"

Man: "Can I have a beer?"

Bartender: "Sure! Hello, little Kenzinger. Come on out of there. Time to meet your new daddy."

Walking Fish Theatre, Fishtown
Overheard by Lindsay

Undermining Peace and Prosperity?

Woman: "Wait, I thought Matt was the Best Man."

Guy: "Oh he is, but I'm effectively the Best Man. The "acting" Best Man, you might say."

Woman: "Really? Wow. Ok. Will the wedding pamphlet be edited to reflect this?"

Guy: "Nah. I'm like the Karl Rove of this wedding. I have an official title that doesn't really reflect the behind-the-scenes stuff I'm doing."

Bensalem
Overheard by KlimRuos

Later J.D. Went Home And Cried Into His Appletinni

Drunk guy yelling out the window of a car: "Where's some men I can sexually harass?"

Spring Garden near silk city
Overheard by steve

There Is Honor Among Ass Watchers

I was about to cross chestnut walking behind a girl wearing tight pants and next to a guy who was obviously eying her up.

Guy has to cross broad, turns to me and says: "Good, you can complete my mission."

broad and chestnut
Overheard by steve-o

Destined To Be Left In The Car With The Windows Rolled Up

Little boy: "Potty?"

Mom: "Nah, I don't have to potty."

forever 21 @ KOP
Overheard by browsing the sale rack

Nice To See Fezzik Got Work

Man (angrily yelling for several minutes): "I got issues with him, man! I got ISSUES!"

Woman next to him: "Well, I got tissues. Anyone need a tissue?"

Man (suddenly calm): "Yes, I could use one, thanks."

34 trolley
Overheard by ms

Racism In Food Service? I Am SHOCKED!

server #1 (complaining about how the Mexican-American manager is never around when he's needed) "He's all over the place! All over the place! He's... he's like a jumping bean!"

server #2 (whispering) "A Mexican jumping bean."

at the fancy restaurant
Overheard by Ninja Waitress

BTW, I would TOTALLY go to a restaurant that had sexy ninja waitresses...and pirates...sexy pirates!

This Was An Economics Class, Right?

Professor: "I had a dream about you last night."
Student: "Oh really?"
Professor: "Yes. That I was selling marijuana and you were my middleman."
Student: "What?"
Professor: "Exactly. I thought it was absurd too, given that you'd probably consume all of my product before even thinking of selling any of it."

West Chester University
Overheard by boredom/sacrifice

Just Close Your Eyes And Think Of England

Choir director (within a 5 minute span - wonder what he was thinking about?)

"When you go down, keep your head up."

"Don't worry about your bottoms."

"Always enter through the back door."

Philadelphia Gay Men's Chorus Rehearsal
Overheard by glad i'm a girl

Hope You Had A Nice Birthday Mom!

Guy on cellphone:

"I don't care if my girlfriend is in the car when I pick you up, I WILL stop at a rest stop and make you come in and suck my balls"

West Philly
Overheard by Glad I'm Not His Girlfriend

Goodwill Is Starting To Work The Streets

Shady character carrying a leather jacket draped over his arm -

Shady character: "Hey you guys want a free leather jacket?"
Friend: "No that's okay"
Shady character: "Don't worry baby doll its not stolen"

South Philly
Overheard by Stan

But Your Cab Does Have Dice In The Mirror

Trio of dudes exiting a cab, with accented sincerity to the cabbie "Sorry we offended you man.."

17th and jfk
Overheard by role reversial

She's Ja-makin-me Crazy!

Crazy screaming guy talking to himself: "I will punch the SHIT out of that Jamaican lady!"

Corner of Market and 15th
Overheard by Glass Animal

If We Outlaw Knives Only Criminals Will Be Able To Cut Their Chicken

50 year old man: "Did you hear that jenna's son died?"

45 year old woman: "oh really? I hadn't heard about that. how did it happen?"

50 year old man: "his girlfriend stabbed him to death."

45 year old woman: "Oh i know how that goes. Two years ago on thanksgiving my uncle was playing cards and my aunt asked him to help her carve the turkey. He decided he was too busy to help. My Aunt just got up and stabbed him to death."

50 year old man: "oh im sorry. Philly needs to chill with the knives."

On line at an ACME in Bala Cynwyd
Overheard by lizzie z

And We Wonder Why Teenagers Think Adults Are Full Of Shit?

Two Horny Teenagers condom shopping.

Teenage boy holds up 2 boxes of condoms and says to me as I pass by: "Hey Mister, which one should I buy?"

Me: "I don't care...just don't get the brand your father bought."

Horny Teenage Boy: "ok, thanks."

CVS
Overheard by Jason

Sage Advice From 40-Year-Old Virgin

Guy on cell phone: "Never go to a wedding with a woman."

Borders on Broad St
Overheard by mtsbspidey

But I Am One HUGE Boob!

Guy to girl: " And so I said, I AM NOT MADE OF FUCKING VAGINA RYAN!!"

Broad & Pine
Overheard by KtL

Crack Whores During A Recession

While waiting to see the Worker's Comp doc, a wirey black woman came out into the waiting room holding a bottle of pills. She looks at them and says: "Oooooh, I gots me some I-brupropan and that shits be good!"

WorkNet (by Philadelphia Airport)
Overheard by Kate

..But I Wasn't There....

Guy #1: "...and then I kicked myself in the nuts"

Guy #2: "Is that even possible, dude?"

Guy #1: "I think so."

the TECH center on Temple's campus
Overheard by wowwww.

Educational Trip To Social Services?

Mom with a 1st grader: "She's not in school today because I didn't have any juice boxes for her lunch."

15 trolley around Frankford & Girard
Overheard by CMF

50+ Years -- Kanye West Didn't Wear No Crocs

Dad (to young son): "I'm not your mother, I'm not going to buy you Mandals."

(to grandma) "Did Humphrey Bogart wear sandals?"

Grandma: "Bogey didn't wear no sandals."

Dad: "Bogey didn't wear no sandals."

40th and Walnut shoe store
Overheard by now i know

Hey! Hey! I'll Do The Obvious Jokes Here!

I am assuming this conversation was about a test the girl just took.

Girl to female classmate: "Seriously that thing was just so long and hard I didn't even know what to do with it."

Random kid a few seats away: "That's what she said!!"

Shuttle Bus
Overheard by Michael Scott

Philly Should Just Annex Everything East Of The Garden State Parkway

Guy unloading car into house pulls out a hoe, the gardening instrument.

Drunk girl stumbling by with drunk guy: "Look, he has a hoe."

Unloading guy: "Look, so does he."

Landis Ave, Sea Isle City (The shore counts as Philly)
Overheard by KJM

Admin: Facebook Page

Greetings and Salutations,

I come to you with news of a new outpost for Overheard In Philly on the web. I've created a Facebook Fan Page. There I will be posting the same overheards you see here but with less frequency and more lag. Yeah!

I've come to the Facebook thing late but I have found that some people don't go outside their walled gardens. There are people who only come to OHiP via RSS feeds, Twitter, or Live Journal reposts. Facebook is just another way of spreading the gospel of OHiP.

In summary, if you want your OHiP hot off the presses then grab the RSS feed. If you want your OHiP a little delayed, add me as a friend at Twitter. If you don't mind waiting hours/days and need to stay within the walled garden comfort of Facebook, that's available now as well.

The important thing is to keep reading what the other morons in our fair City and Suburbs have to say...and of course to keep sending in your Overheards to me!

I Usually Get The Urge To Scream That On South Street

A guy in his car, stopped, slams on his horn and screams out the window: "You fuckin' douchebag cunt!"

Manayunk
Overheard by Jason

Thus Spoke The Kettle

Overweight man: "Yeah, do you have exercise books, I need a workout book for the wife."

(Gestures over his shoulder at slim woman who is glaring at him)

Barnes & Noble CS desk
Overheard by BN guy - Thanks for the title!

This Must Have Been Detroit's Bye-Year

Two girls walking through hall:

Girl 1: "Did you know Philadelphia was voted, like, the ugliest city?"

Girl 2, truly dumbfounded: "You're kidding me?!"

Anderson Hall, Temple University
Overheard by Sarah

Not Much Hope. Emancipate Now.

Mom: "Honey, what's Hello Kitty? Is she a bunny or a ..."

(mom trails off because daughter glares and says)

Daughter: "Mom. Really?"

Michael's NE Philly
Overheard by buck up

The Gene Pool Needs Chlorine

Female coworker to male coworker wearing a Yogi Bear tie: "Yogi! Yogi! Dat's my brotha!"

Blue Cross Cube Farm
Overheard by Chaz -Thanks for the Title!

Hello I'm Jim And I'll Be Your Mugger Today

Cop describes mugger to dispatcher over walkie talkie

Dispatcher: "Did he tell her (muggee) his name?"

Cop: "Did you really just ask me that?"

West Philly
Overheard by Me after getting mugged

Something Is Rotten In Anderson Hall

20-something guy talking on his phone: "So NOW I have to stick an ice cube up my cat!"

Anderson Hall, Temple University
Overheard by don't. want. to. know.

Pediophilia Is Now Sidewalk Conversation?

Young woman: "And my sister lost her virginity to him when she was 11."

Other young woman: "That guy really got around your family."

46th & Farragut
Overheard by CMF

And The Number One Sign You Will Not Be Getting Laid Tonight Is...

Young couple on probably first date, attractive girl with goofy dude sitting next to me and wife

girl: "this will be fun. those etiquette classes will finally pay off."

dude: (uncomfortable laugh) "yeah.....what's etiquette?"

girl: "really? You don't have a very extensive vocabulary do you?"

OUCH!

Cherry Hill Cheesecake Factory
Overheard by Chris Illuminati

Not In MY AMERICA They Aren't!

Portly girl to mother: "Stop bugging me, Mom! Lots of people are average."

Target @ Plymouth Meeting
Overheard by phdchick

The Philadelphia Snow Mantra

Cashier to woman at checkout: "Just checking, do you have your eggs, milk, butter, and bread?"

Bensalem Acme
Overheard by snowbird

All Of It?

old tourist couple to man in business suit: "we only came here to see where they make the cream cheese."

septa platform of 30th station
Overheard by dt215