Some Wish For Telepathy, Some for Invisibility

Guy: "So I called Jill the other night, and of course, straight to voice mail and she never called back. I don't know why I even bother."

Girl: "I don’t know why either. I swear, Jim, if there’s a girl out there who will ignore you or has serious emotional problems, you find her and think she’s hot. Is that a special talent or an acquired trait?"

Whiskey Tango
Overheard by S.1T

The Ladies In The French Court Thought So

Man, with little boy entering Franklin Institute: "That's Ben Franklin. He's like Santa Claus!"

Franklin Institute
Overheard by Yes, I went to the Narnia Exhibit

Sounds Like A CraigsList Personal Ad

Hey. Do you know my wife? She's chocolate, got Chinky eyes, and she fine?

My office
Overheard by timmyG!

"Your Mother" Jokes Are Really Funny Too

two guys walking by the TLA, where Lifehouse advertised on the marquee.

Guy 1: "Lifehouse?! More like SUCKhouse!"

Guy 2: "haha, hells yaah dude."
they high five each other...

south st
Overheard by tracy

And Yet My Co-Pays Continue To Rise

Male Coworker: "A ten minute meeting? Nice! I remember when these things used to last sixty minutes."

Female Coworker: "I remember when they would take an hour."

Male Coworker: "Um, yeah."

in the blue cross cubical farm
Overheard by Chaz

Some People Never Learn

Young woman on a cell walking in2 Subway Restaurant: "I can't believe what he gave me was gonorrhea.. i'm going to have the $5 dollar foot long meatball please."

City Ave Subway
Overheard by joleendoreen

A Concise Commentary On Parenting At The Millenium

Young Mother: "Oh look, it's a book "A is for Art Museum". How cute."

Middle Aged Woman: "Yeah, and P is for Pretentious."

Mayfair
Overheard by KlimRuos

Always Aim For The Head

Hungover gays in a serious discussion about zombies.

Gay 1: "Can't you just put a stake through its heart and kill it like that?"
Gay 2: "That's vampires, dear."
Gay 1: "Ohhh... wait... really? *long pause* But can't you put a stake through their hearts anyways and kill them?"

West Chester
Overheard by Drunk Homo

All Them Science Folk In Their Big Mountain Laboratories

On a windy day in the mountains.
Old woman: "do you know when the wind hold will come off?"

Sales Clerk: "um when the wind stops."

Old woman: "Really, they can't just fix it?"


Angel fire Resort
Overheard by Pete

And Racist Stereotypes Persist

Two black men board the train, simultaneously throwing out the black power fist to other passengers while saying "O-BAM-A!" "O-BAM-A!". They take seats in the back of the last car. This conversation follows...

"Obama man.... hoooo-weeeee!!!-It's about time dey git some black people up in there. Ha!-Dey gon be havin cook outs on the White House front lawn and shit... "

"-I know man, soon dey gon be callin it da Black House!"...

Regional Rail.
Overheard by Iknewthiswasgoingtohappen

I'm Sure The Events Weren't Related

suburban mom: "Yeah, she was born the same year my house blew up."

toy store
Overheard by big bada boom

Jailbait Is Forever

Two Guys talking about the movie "The Professional"

Guy 1: "Dude, Natalie Portman was totally hot in that movie."

Guy 2: "She was like 14 in that.."

Guy 1: "Its ok to think she's hot in that movie because we were the same age when it came out."

NYE house party
Overheard by S.1T

And It Shows

Two girls, after being pulled apart after a drunken catfight.

First girl: "I've got more class in my little pinky than you'll ever have, bitch."

New Year's Eve, Maltese Room, Andalusia
Overheard by tedster

Sounds Like A Great Thursday

fairly unkempt man walking through the business district on market street while everyone is heading to work...

"nigga.. u ain't got a job right? we gonna get high and watch a movie, High and Watch a Movie, WE GONNA GET HIGH AND WATCH A MOVIE!"

17th & Market
Overheard by heading into work and can't afford to get high

When I Was Young This Is What We Dreamed The Internet Would Be

Two people talking in cafe:
"YouTube has gotten so restrictive about copyright infringement the only thing you can find there now is douchbags lip-synching to their favorite songs, or hundreds of compilations of dumbasses racking their nuts trying to skate down handrails...backed by a Biohazard track."

B&N
Overheard by B&N guy

Tenure and Senility Are A Winning Combination

Male professor, possibly age 75

Professor to attractive female student: "My you are beautiful and I do love your hair like that. Listen class, I am partial to girls. Women are here to look pretty. A girl should take care of herself and get dressed and do her hair--especially for my class. If you want an A in my course, you're a girl, and you read the assigned chapters before class."

Professor continues to flirt with everything that moves and has breasts.

Drexel University, Business Law 201
Overheard by a guy who isn't getting an A because he's a dude

* Let's see if the department chair...or any Drexel Profs...read this blog. Seriously, if this is true it's time for Professor Happy to move to the farm in the country.

Cory Doctorow Comes To Philadelphia

Two booksellers walking together through the store they spot a 12 year old wearing, of all things, a cape.
bksllr 1: (softly as not to hurt his feelings) "Huzzah."
bksllr 2 (me): uncontrollable laughter


B&N
Overheard by BN Guy

Guy 1 Writes Slash Fiction In The Evenings

Group of co-workers talking in the cube across the hall.
Woman: "I heard something about Disney having a gay section."

Man: "Get out? So, do Mickey and Donald Duck do each other and have a three way with Peter Pansy then dress up in Minnie's dresses?"

Guy 1: "Well, where does the fairy god mother play into all this?"

Woman: "What if the fairy god mother was a bitchy gay guy who dresses Cinderella?"

Woman 3: "I'm Jewish. I wonder if they make a gay dreidel that spins fairy dust?"

Guy 2: "What does that have to do with gay Disney?"

Guy 1: "Maybe Mickey and Donald use it as a sex toy on each other."


My office
Overheard by So glad I'm not gay

A Piece Of My Soul Died While Reading This

mom giving her toddler a grammar lesson:

mom: "Do you know where we are? We on the train, baby. Can you say, 'I is on the train'?"

toddler: "I... I..."

mom: "No, listen to me. 'I... Is... On... The... Train...' "

toddler: "I is on the train"

mom: "That's right baby. We is on the train."

Northbound Broad Street Line
Overheard by trying to graduate

Interactive Exhibit?

Little boy to little girl: "Hey, get in here! You totally missed the bird ripping out Prometheus' liver!"

Philadelphia Museum of Art
Overheard by Lindsay

Rogue: XXX

Girl: "were you aware that there is a "grundel area"--apparently it's something like the female version of the taint"

Guy: "sounds like a monster's lair"--"I found myself in the grundel area, two dark caves lay before me, with valley surrounding me on both sides. I could go in one of the caves, or turn back. this was the only way"

Girl: .....

Guy: "I could go for a bit of spelunking about now"


the El--11th and Market
Overheard by afraid of caves

Honesty Is The Last Bastion Of The Bastard

2 guys walking down Market between 2nd & 3rd when a dread-locked white guy asks them to donate to his charity...

Larger of the 2 guys: "Sorry man, I'm way too lazy to save the world."

Old City
Overheard by Chaz

Dog, Child, or Grandma?

Girl: "She just took a crap on the floor right in front of them, and they said, "Aww how cute." What the fuck?"

Guy: "They think it's cute because they are old and can't control their bowels either."

Petco, NE Philly
Overheard by KlimRuos

Once Again, I Weep For Our Future

Guy at Mutter Museum Upon Seeing Skeleton of Giant: "Dude, he would be amazing at Frisbee."

Mutter Museum
Overheard by Brian Heater

Homosexual Is Now Defined As Lint-Free?!?

Female coworker to two male coworkers in the break room...
Female Coworker to Male 1: "Do you have a lint brush?"

Male 1: "What am I, gay? No, I don't got a lint brush."

Female to Male 2: "Do you have a lint brush?"

Male 2: "Nope, sorry."

Female coworker leaves.

Male 1 to male 2: Lint brush??? Do I look gay or something?

Male 2: No, but you ARE lint-free.

BlueCross
Overheard by Chaz

But Not Eggrolls

An older woman: "I'm waiting on chicken nuggets from a chinaman."

Tacony
Overheard by Scoats

Thanks for the title Scoats. "Everybody's a little bit racist, sometimes." - Avenue Q

Florida Dreaming On Such A Winter's Day

Girl in big group to Brother: "Mommy just said taint!"

Disney World ( it was too funny to pass up)
Overheard by vaginica is on vacation.

I Decide You Don't Drink

Pink haired girl exclaims to a friend: "Hey I bought the alcohol you make the decision!!"

south street
Overheard by a-j-t

SEPTA Conductors Are High...True Story

(On a rush-hour train not labeled as express or local)
Me: "Do we stop at Temple, or should I change trains here?"

Conductor: "Temple?"

Me: "Yes."

Conductor: "TEMPLE? You want Temple?"

Me: "Yes please. Is this an express?"

Conductor: "You WANT TO go to Temple?"

Me: "Well, no, actually, not really..."

Conductor, laughing, "Yeah honey, we stop at Temple".

Regional rail train, Suburban station
Overheard by Apparently the only person at Temple tonight

Euro or Yen?

Office assistant: "Here, I brought the mail. Let's see, this is for Mr. R., this is for you... you..."

Second assistant "Oh, thanks, that one is probably a bill."

First assistant: "A bill?? What do they want?"

Second assistant: "Money"

Fairmount
Overheard by Jayvee

No.

Girl: (to guy with her): "So, do you speak any other languages?"
Guy: "Um, does ebonics count?"

Borders, Broad and Chestnut
Overheard by Ben

I Figured The Recession Would Mean Better Food Service

Guy in front of me orders chicken and broccoli, chinese girl behind counter loads the plate with rice, a tiny bit of broccoli, and 3 or 4 pieces of chicken.

Guy: "Hey, can I get some chicken on there?"
Girl: "That a lot a chicken!"
Guy: "No its not!"

Girl turns and walks to register and rings it up without looking back.

Montgomery Mall Food Court
Overheard by S.1T

Wikipedia Fail

Girl rubbing dog's belly: "Aww belly rubs! Belly rubs! You love belly rubs! Until you get older and realize that even better than belly rubs are vagina licks. And you can get those even if you are fixed. They just snip some tubes they don't cut out your vagina!"

Horsham Dog Park
Overheard by KJM

A Girl's Got Standards

Woman turning to yell at a Man who is following her down the street: "I don't care if you're my drug dealer, you're not driving my car!"

12th and Spruce
Overheard by J

Father/Son Disputes Always Turn Ugly

Guy looking for his TransPass at the turnstile: "Why does he always hide things out of my grasp? Remind me to kill you, God! Personally!"


13th Street subway station
Overheard by If you see something, say something

TERRORISTS!!!!

Two Middle-Eastern students get up and leave in the middle of a night history class...

Professor: "I guess it's bedtime in Bombay."

CAT Building @ Drexel
Overheard by DigglesFan

Eunuchs?

Drunk girl: "Guys? We're not actresses...and we're not actors, either."

Roxborough
Overheard by Sandi

Today's Easy Answer To Simple Questions

Student giving presentation: "Most amphetamine use is in the Midwest because it's so --"

Student listening to presentation: "-- boring??"


Chestnut Hill College
Overheard by Sandi

Whatever Happened to "You Can Have It Your Way"?

Very large black woman at Burger King: "I want two double whoppers, large fries and what kind of clear soda you got?"

Girl behind the counter: "We don't have any clear soda."

Very large black lady: "No clear soda? I don't want that brown coke shit...I ain't puttin that shit in my body."

Gallery Food Court
Overheard by Jakey boy

Former CIA Interns' Reunion

man: "yea I used to listen to old school rap, like ama, run, all those."

Man's friend: "so wait, you're bioengineering or bioelectric?"

Man: "bio, oh and I used to hurt people, but let's not talk about that"


rittenhouse Starbucks
Overheard by jolly sailor

He Was Mentally Checking The 'Do I Want Sex Tonight' Flow Chart

Woman is trying to leave store; alarm keeps going off and she keeps jumping backwards and trying again. This goes on for a full minute.

Girlfriend in line: "What does she think, she's going to get shocked if she keeps going? Does she have a little dog collar on? (laughs hysterically)"

Boyfriend in line, after long pause: "Good one."


Dick's Sporting Goods
Overheard by Sandi

Remind Me To Shut My Mouth When Sandi Is Around

Woman on cell phone: "Who cares? I'll put everybody in the world in my will if I don't have anything!"


Target
Overheard by Sandi

AC's New Marketing Campaign

HEY LOOK! These t-shirts have lions and trash on em!


Atlantic City Boardwalk
Overheard by super dude dave

That Reminds Me...Send In Links To Blackmail-worthy Pics From Holiday Parties. I'm Bored.

Guy: "What do you teach?"

Drunk girl struggling with bra: "English... I can't button this dress."


Christmas party, 22nd & Chestnut
Overheard by Sandi

Whoever Smelt It, Dealt It

(Apple Idol Karaoke Contest)

Jealous untalented chick about equally untalented but more popular singer:
"She is absolutely covered in HPV"


Applebees on 15th Street
Overheard by timmyG!

I Got Some For $50 An Ounce On Craigslist

A guy in line and a cashier talking about hunting.

Guy in line: "They've got this new stuff called "Dirt". You apply it and it cloaks your scent."

Cashier: "Yeah I've heard of that."

Guy in line: "Yeah it smells just like mud."

Wawa at Rte 413 and 263
Overheard by phillyrawker