I Like The Ones With The Chewy Center

Guy: "You have IHM nuns here?"

Girl: "Yes, what other kind would we have?"

Guy: "There are other orders of nuns. Carmelite, Dominican, Sisters of Charity, Chocolate, Peppermint"

Girl: "I guess."

Christmas mass, St. Robert's, Warrington
Overheard by twice-a-year catholic

A Merv Griffin Fan

Two large black women sitting waiting for a train.

Woman#1: "Girl, they ain't nothin' on tv any mo! Back in the day we's had quality programmin'. We's had Montel, Riki Lake, Jenny Jones!"

Woman#2: "Ummm! I used to love me some Montel. I'se use to get wet watchin' Montel. Ummm with his fine self!"

Older white woman looks up in shock and then walks away.

8th and Market Patco Platform
Overheard by NOT Montel!

Clean Construction Workers Have Better Come Backs

A girl walking past the Penn Dental School with a big ass and a short sweater dress:

Dirty construction worker: Damn... I really have to go back to school.

Passerby who overhears: Why, so you can spend half a million dollars and still not get laid?

Dirty Construction Worker:......bitch.

UPenn School of Dental Medicine
Overheard by Jen

Actually Seems Like A Reasonable Response

White Trash Woman: "My test came out indeterminable- That's why I don't breast feed Daniel!"

13th and Walnut
Overheard by M-Doh

There REALLY Is Someone For Everyone

guy to friend: "yeah, i think i'm completely in love with her, she's so perfect. even though she has a baby and is sick, she's the one for me."

friend: "sick?"

guy to friend: "oh, she has herpes but it's totally under control."

broad st subway
Overheard by amused

I Think He Lives On My Party Wall

Guy on Stoop to friend: "When I have sex, I sound like a very cowardly old man running across very thin ice."

Between 11th and 13th on Spruce
Overheard by M-Doh

Thanks For Enjoying 8 Nights Of Sandi With Me. And A Special Thanks To Sandi!

Girl talking to friend on campus: "I have to go to the gym tomorrow and I have to work out extra hard because I missed it today. Because I'm a dumb, fat whore."

Saint Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

Not The Size Of The Boat But The Motion Of The Ocean

Girl #1: "Everybody had sex in high school, Jackie. Didn't you know?"
Girl #2: "Apparently I missed it. I missed a very large boat in high school. Somehow I got to college."
Girl #1: "Me too!"
Girl #3: "I think everyone was on the boat and I just rowed there. I took a rowboat. Everyone else took a cruise ship."
Girl #1: "And they were all naked!"

Cafeteria, Saint Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

Love The One You're With

Two men talking --
Man 1: "Jersey girls, they got good pussy."

(notices girls walking by, laughing)

Man 2: "Where you girls from?"

Girls: "New York"

Man 1: "Ok, listen here. Jeresey girls got good pussy. New York girls got GREAT pussy!"

South Street
Overheard by eating at lorenzo's

6th Night Of Sandi...Did You Get Socks Too?

Girl on cell phone: "Nothing was plowed. And there were all these delinquents running up and down City Ave, and I was like, are they looting it?"

Saint Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

It Is Also A Person Who Reefs

Man: "Actually a 'reefer' is a refrigerated truck."

Woman: "Oh."

Man: "Yeah, so Vaughn was like 'wha- huh?' and I was like 'actually, a reefer is a refrigerated truck.'"

Woman: "Did everybody laugh?"

(Pause)

Man: "No."

On 10th between Spruce and Pine
Overheard by M-Doh

Remember It's Still Chanukah Tonight Too

Ditzy girl raises hand in class: "So all we have to know is that an ionization detector uses Americanium 241...batteries? What are they? Special batteries?"

Chemistry class, Saint Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

A Prop 8 Festivus Greetings To You!

Flamboyant retail worker wearing santa hat complaiing loudly to emo cashier next to him:

"I am sooooo sick of the holidays. I am soooo sick of the people and above all, I am soooo sick of this music. How many friggin' versions of Jingle Bells are there? I hate Christmas. I hate it. Hate it! Hate it!"

Customer overhears this and says to the person next to him: "Ya know, They say every time jingle bells is played, a fairy gets his wings"!


Center City Store
Overheard by Mara

Merry Christmas!

Mom and little boy are walking down the street, little boy is kind of playing as he walks.

Mom shouts at little boy: "Quit stomping around like a God damn retard!"

Bridesburg
Overheard by mtsbspidey

Sandi Needs To Put On Some Headphones

Girl walking through campus on cell phone: "...and he's naked and he's facing to the side and he's pointing at the camera and you can see his penis and he has no pants on or ANYTHING - just a hat."

Saint Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

Christmas is Soooooo Gay!

Two Gay Guys talking about local news celebrities.

Guy#1: "I think Doug Kammerer is really hot!"

Guy#2: "I'm so hot for Adam Joseph. Honey, he can stick his doppler radar in me anyday!"

Bump Lounge
Overheard by Joey

Was This All During ONE Class?!?

I sure hope this prof doesn't read OHiP...and can't figure out who Sandi is....

Professor: "I am about to tell you something that you are going to have an academic orgasm with. I'm really excited."

(gesturing to the back half of the classroom)
Professor: This is where the problem children live. These are the ones I will be praying for every night until the final exam."

Professor: "C is the speed of light in a vacuum."
Ditzy female student: "A vacuum? Vacuum cleaner?"


Chemistry Class, St. Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

I Bet His Cousin Is The Union Rep

Construction worker to other worker during last Tuesday morning's weather event:

"Hey, this hail is as big as... hail!"

1500 South Street
Overheard by Susie

2nd Night of Sandi

Professor: "This is gonna be a tough segue for the mean old bastard professor!"

Professor: "I know what will happen if you do well on the first test. You'll say, I have over 100, I can just take the rest of the semester off and still get my A...and D is for diploma!"

Chemistry Class, St. Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

How Yooou Doing?

Ghetto Chick to Thug-like Guy: "You look just like my first 3 baby daddies."

17th and Sansom
Overheard by Janelle

Happy Hannukah! Join OHiP As We Celebrate With 8 Nights Of Sandi

Professor: "Does an ass have a gender?"

Chemistry Class @ St. Joseph's University
Overheard by Sandi

The Continent Or The Porn Category?

Old Greaser to Another Old Greaser Decked in Leather (Most Likely College Professors).

Old Greaser 1: "I mean, come on everyone's got a guilty pleasure, you know..."

Old Greaser 2: "So, what's yours?"

Old Greaser 1: "Well, Obviously Africa. Definitely."

Audio Visual Department, College Campus.
Overheard by Ridiculous.

Too Many Racist Jokes...Must Restrain Self...

black guy: "baby you so fine can i get your number?"

white pregnant girl: "no"

white pregnant girls boyfriend:"Yo nigga you better back up off my cool aid."


outside the cvs on chestnut street
Overheard by mike d.

'Cause I Go To Concerts For Fashion Advice

Woman: "The three best concerts I ever was at was Madonna, Janet Jackson and Prince. Of course, every Gay man on earth was at the Madonna concert and you know she stopped in the middle of her song and looked down at a guy and said 'honey, that is the ugliest shirt I have ever seen. go change it and come back.'"

Gay Guy: "Oooh, you know girlfriend ain't playin'."

13th and Walnut
verheard by Bobby

Examples That Recession Is Hitting Everyone Hard #4598

delivering a pizza in g-ho-

man #1: "thanks, holmes" - gives me exact change

man #2 (inside house): "yo man, ain't you gonna tip him?"

man #1, looking back at me: "don't smoke in bed, brother" (slams door)

best delivery ever.

carpenter and 17th
Overheard by confucious

Great Expectations

Two disappointed guys walking out of the Scott Weiland concert:

Guy 1: "Well, at least we only paid $10.45 for the ticket."

Guy 2: "$10.45 of crap is still crap."

The TLA
Overheard by S.1T

I Doubt Readers Of OHiP Are Ignorant Of Boones Farm

2 girls sitting at the bar talking about drinking Boones Farm (for those of you who don't know what it is go here Boones Farm Fan Club):

girl#1: "yea it's gross. i used to drink it when i was 18."

girl#2:"yea, the last time i drank Boones Farm i did crystal meth.."

bob and barbaras
Overheard by vaginica says o rly?

Also, I imagine a majority are acquainted with crystal meth. Vaginica, you've located an OHiP sleeper cell! Congrats!

Wives Submit To Your Husbands

a middle-aged couple shopping for dresses.
husband: "why don't you wear the one you wore to my thing?"

wife: "that one smells"

husband: "you have to wash it"

wife: "yeah, ok. maybe that one."


cherry hill mall
Overheard by lj

A Cup Of Ambition

Special Sunday Post

Normally OHiP follows the prevailing orthodoxy in the USA and takes Sunday off from posting. But in browsing the Internets this afternoon I came upon a story that I thought I should share with you all.

A Cup Of Ambition

It's a real Philadelphia story. The City of Brotherly Love.

Beazulbub's Bunghole?

Girl leaving frat party: "Holy shit, it was as hot as Satan's anus in there!"

UPenn
Overheard by Devilishly amused

Can't Be More Specific Than "bus"? Afraid The 2-Year-Old Might Want Payback?

2 year-old boy: "I have a meeting in Buffalo. I have to take the trolley then the choo-choo."

Bus
Overheard by pieski

Contact OHiP For Development Deals. Clay Didn't Leave His Email Address

Gay Guy#1: "We need a new icon!"

Gay Guy#2: "What do you mean sweetie?"

Gay Guy#1: "Well, in the 60's, we had Judy. Then Liza took over then Barbra and Bette took us through the 70's and 80s and Madonna had us in the 90's, but we need a new icon. We don't have anyone new and fresh."

Gay Guy#2: "Ya know you are right! I never thought about it like that."

Gay Guy#1: "Oooh, we should develop a how about this. America's Next top Gay Icon. And we could vote them off week by week if they are not up to our standards. That would be so chic!"

Gay Guy #2: "We'd have to give them a parting gift. Send them off with a 'Hag Bag'"


Woody's 13th and Walnut
Overheard by Clay Aiken

He's Pre-Med. He Should Know.

Some drunk Penn student: "I'm pretty sure I'm at that point where I can't get it up tonight."

University City
Overheard by Tray

You Two Were Meant For Each Other

Guy 1: "I should make your ass get off at this stop and walk back to Jersey."

Guy 2: "We're IN Jersey."

Guy 1: "Oh, uh... you know what I meant!"

PATCO City Hall stop
Overheard by Sara

Head Attached? Check!

cynical old Jewish man: "Are we having a better life than Marie Antoinette?"

his less cynical brother: "Depends on how you look at it."

Burlington, NJ auction
Overheard by Marie Untoinette

A Perl Monger Trying To Comment Out Her Face?

30-something with ink everywhere and a brand new pound sign {#} under her left eye: "If I got it down there I figured nobody would know what it meant. i wanted it to be visible, you know?"

Tony's WW
Overheard by eatingsomewhereelse

Racist Stereotypes #4786...I Expect MANY More Over The Next 4 Years

Woman:"I was shocked when Obama chose Hillary as Secretary of State"
Man: "I wasn't"
Woman: "Really? Why not?"
Man: "Have you ever known a black man that could resist an ugly woman woman with a big ass?"

CVS, 15th and Chestnut
Overheard by Tyler

Google Needs A Euphamism Filter For Adsense

Unfortunately For The Future Of Our Country, No.

Teacher: "Where were the Nazis from"?

Student: "Overseas"

Teacher: "Did I hear someone say, 'Germany'".

Manayunk
Overheard by RocketMan

But At Least She Has Something To Do On A Friday Night

Guy in Mid twenties talking on his cell phone:
"Yeah man, I am heading home now, gonna get something to eat and crash for a bit because later on I'm gonna fuck her brains out."

Woman in back of guy: "If she'd let him fuck her, bitch ain't got no brains."

Between 12th and 13th at Locust
Overheard by Garrett

I Call Them Bert And His Pair Of Ernies

Two redheads ( a guy was in scrubs and the girl looked like she was dressed in the 50s)

girl: "wanna go out later tonight?"

guy: ""nah i can't I got stuff to do at home"

girl: well can i come over an play with your beanie babies again?"

At 15 th and spruce
Overheard by ovaheardinphilly

Homeless Guy Takes Cash: "Nope."

Homeless man: "Got any change?"
Arrogant Business Man: "Can you break a hundred?"

Corner 16th & Walnut
Overheard by John

BA-DUM-CHING!

Woman: "You don't look well. Are you OK?"
Old Man: "Eh?"
Woman: (louder) "Are you hurt? Do you need a doctor?"
Old Man: "What?"
Woman: (loud enough attract two conductors) "Do you need a doctor?"
Old Man: "Yes, I'm going to the doctor. They're going to give me hearing aids."

6:30 AM on the R2 to Philly
Overheard by Recluse

Ladies Love A Nicely Cut Cock

three bar patrons having a conversation about Gene Wilder:

#1: .."i was trying to think of his last name but all i came up with was Gene Simmons"
#2: "did you know Gene Simmons is a Jew?"
#3: "no, no way. no Jew gets that much pu**y."

Fergie's Pub
Overheard by vaginica says WOW

In Running For Creepiest Of The Year

20-something Girl: "Why aren't you working on my dentures??"

Cute Dentist Friend: "I gotta knock out some teef first"

20-something Girl: I tell ya, no respect for ones work nowadayz.

I live near this place that says "dentures made while you wait. Now thats what I call service! This is Amerr-icah!"
(pause to laugh)
I want fellas to ask "where u get dem sexy teef?!"

near jefferson
Overheard by fran

OHiP Made A Top Ten List!

Philly Burbs Top Ten Philly Sites

Sure most of the other sites are either more frequently updated, more informative, or more visited than poor OHiP but it is an honor just to be included.

Thanks Chris Illuminati (that has GOT to be a pen name) for enjoying the crap that Philadelphians (and New Jersians and Delawarians and the occasional tourist) say.

Now back to your regularly scheduled stupid shit people say.

Dorothy Should Have Done This To The Tin Man

Two men in SUV slowly following a hipster-chick on a Wicked Witch of the West bike moseying along, swerving back and for the taking up the entire right lane, she finally moves to the left lane:

Hipster Chick: "The roads for bikes too ya know!"

Driver: Understood. "It'd be helpful, however, if we all followed the same traffic laws."

Hipster Chick: "Fuck you!"

Driver: "Lady, one block ago, I saw you blow a red light and almost get hit by another biker, and a mail truck."

Hipster chick spits on him; Driver and passenger start laughing hysterically and drive away. Everyone on the corner of the Square looks at her like she's a deranged, ignorant maniac.


18th and Rittenhouse
Overheard by artman