So...How Was Your Thanksgiving?

Guy on trolley, to his friend: "Man, she's stupid. Last night she opened a can of soda and she said it was too cold, so she put it in the microwave. Almost set the whole thing on fire."
Friend: "Damn."
Guy: "She's not even that cute. Her hair is only 30% real. And it's not even braids, it's like some Beyonce shit."

on route 36 trolley, between 30th st and 22nd street stations
Overheard by AJ

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hobo (to Greaser 1): "Ayo, you got a smoke?"
Greaser 1: "Not for you, brotha."
Hobo (to Greaser 2): "Hey man. Hook me up."
Greaser 2: "Nah."
Hobo: "WELL I HOPE YOU GET CANCER! YOU DAMN FOOL!"

Outside of Wawa near South St
Overheard by Mick

Someone Skipped Health Class

Guy to his friends: "I be like 'What the hell is that?" and they be all like 'Bitch, that's my pussy.'"

Outside of Yakitori Boy
Overheard by mtsbspidey

It's Amazing What They've Done With Teledonics

Girl on cell phone: "No, no, not there. No. Oh yeah, put it there instead. OH yeah, right there."

Looks around and sees me, puts hand over speaker and says, "Not his dick. A couch"

Center City, outside Borders
Overheard by Chelsea

But Not In California

Gay #1: "He insists he didn't use you. Obviously he did, but it's your own fault for always financing the drinking."

Gay #2 (aka-timmyG!): "Whatever. He can ignore me or go f**k himself or both. But if he comes over again, I may have to put my baby down and beat his monkey ass."

Tavern On Camac (Gayboyhood)
timmyG!

Face Meet Palm

Little Girl: "Mommy, what's that?"

Mom: "It's Braille... it's how blind people read."

Little Girl: "What's it say?"

Mom: "I can't read it... I'm not blind."

Subway train
Overheard by MoJunk

Euphemism For Anal Sex?

Girl: "Why can't I be normal? Why do I have this thing about gambling for meat with drunken veterans?"

Temple Law School (before Evidence class)
Overheard by KJM

Mommy Needs A Grown-up Playdate

Woman to her toddler son: "You are the sexiest two-year-old I have ever seen!"

Bridesburg Target
Overheard by mtsbspidey

I Predict Cheetos And Sprite

Guy1: "So who's going?"
Guy2: "My fiance and I."
Guy1: "Your fiance? I didn't know you were engaged."
Guy2: "Yes you did, we asked you to cater our wedding!"
Guy1: "Oh, I thought you were kidding."

The Trocadero
Overheard by S.1T

Sex Ed Should Begin In Community College

Woman talking on cell phone headset, walking with young child: "I'm not getting another abortion. I just had one in August and they might fuck me up with the next one, you know?"

12th & Chestnut, In front of PFCU
Overheard by triz

Perhaps She Just Kept Taking The Candy

Two teen girls working on their homework on the public bus.)

Girl 1: "That's it I officially hate school."

Girl 2: "Well duh! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna throw my binder out the window!"

Girl 1: "Pretty dumb idea if you ask me."

Girl 2: "Shut Up!" *Shoves Binder Out Window*

Girl 1: "That's so funny! I'm gonna call Brandon and tell him what you just did."

Girl 2: "I'm gonna call Sarah!"

Girl 1: "Well, get out your phone!"

Girl 2: "It's in my binder."

Girl 1: "Nice."

On The Public Bus System
Overheard by bc4l

We All Miss You Steve

Written in the road dust on the back of a shipping truck: "Go Phils. Do it for Steve Irwin. Beat the Rays!"

Southbound at Aramingo and York
Overheard by Oskar Kennedy

PSSA Test Scores Aren't Rising...I Wonder Why?

student: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

teacher: "Want some candy?"

student: "uhh, sure?"

{the teacher gives the student 2 pieces of candy corn and walks away.}

Central East Middle School
Overheard by Anonymous

It Is Said That Philadelphia TSAs Are A Bunch Of Assholes

On the curb outside Southwest airline ticket counter Two TSA Screeners are talking. A Southwest employee is smoking nearby.

TSA Employee: (talking about new uniform with a REAL badge) "We have badges, they should give us guns, after all we are agents of the Federal Government."

Southwest employee: "So is the mailman and works in worse neighborhoods than you do." (BTW the next day this guy had a "random" inspection)

PHL Airport terminal E
Overheard by Philly Joe Camel

Candyland Is Everyone's Favorite Day Dream

Kid on my bus: "It would be like a cupcake forest, cupcakes everywhere."

the bus
Overheard by Excited eavsdropper

This Explains How A Rag-Tag Militia Defeated The Mighty British Army

Elementary school-aged kid running away from a fellow field-tripper: "You can't touch me! I'm colonial!"

4th and Chestnut
Overheard by didn't realize that was a superpower

Too Much Sponge Bob, Not Enough Dr. Seuss

My girlfriend and I dress up to give out candy on Halloween. She had on a black sequin dress and fairy wings.

4-5 year old trick or treater: "You look like a PINEAPPLE!!!"

GF: "...."

Kid's sister and parents: "She looks like a what?!"


My front steps in Mayfair
Overheard by a very confused MistressDragon

Switch That And We Might Not Be In This Mess Now.

Banker: "When Obama becomes President they should change his tax policy to what it really is. Republicans should be assigned Democrats that they need to take care of. We'd call the policy, "Adopt-A-Democrat", and you'd be responsible for their weekly allowance."

conshohocken
Overheard by a libertarian

With The Winky-Linky in the Pinky Dinky

Two middle-aged guys reminiscing about a party: "Remember when he took Sharice into the other room 'n they did the diddley doo?!"

Where you heard it:
(neighborhood, intersection, specific place, etc.) 13 trolley, by the 40th St. stop
Overheard by e$

They'll Probably Fill It With Surplus Books

two stoners walking by the world's largest piñata:

stoner#1: "do you think they are going to fill it with candy?"

stoner#2: "nah, they are probably going to fill it with mermadonks......."

broad&washington; next to piñata
Overheard by vaginica is thinking of a cross between mermaids and donkeys....

Poor Chet...No One Did

Guy Running for Office: "Hi! Don't forget to Check Chet. I'm Chet, running for Auditor General! That's a picture of me and my family there. So don't forget- Check Chet!"

Poll Worker: "So, what are your chances? Think you'll win?"

Guy Running for Office: "Let's be honest, no one's checking Chet tonight."

Polling Place in Montco
Overheard by Impaitent Voter

Just This Week's Uncle

Bored 6-year old girl in dollar store, picking up plastic martini glass: "Ooh, this looks like glass but it ain't. Hey Dad, see? Don't this look like glass but it ain't? See,Dad? Dad, look!"

Annoyed dad: "Why do you keep Dad-in' me?"


Mayfair Dollar Tree
Overheard by in line behind Dad.

That's Why Her 4th Husband Left

Large woman on blue line talking to her friend: "Plus now she sayin like she wanna be bises-shu-al...like who wanna wake up to a woman erry day?"

Septa blue line El
Overheard by Spidey

LL Tepid J

Desperate, greasy haired 40-something with a cocky gait, talking on his cell phone: "You're beautiful--go out with me tonight. ::pause:: But you're so beautiful!........Please?"

Walnut St., Center City
Overheard by e$

Future Pharmacists of America

guy#1: "well, he was walking around the store all bumping into shit and stuff.
i think he was on zanthrax."

guy#2: "do you mean zoloft."

guy#1: "hah. yea i do, anyways, i think that they banned zanthrax here in the usa."

(then i was laughing to hard to hear the rest of the conversation)

my friend's apartment during a party in the gayborhood
Overheard by vaginica is laughing

Another Reason To Use University of Pennsylvania Health Care System

Dumb girl #1: "I love the word nub. You can use it to describe so many things, like nubbin."

Dumb girl #2: "Nubbin! Nubbin!"

Hahnemann Hospital
Overheard by these are the future docs of america?

Pundits Are Like Weathermen. They Keep Their Jobs Even When Consistently Wrong

Pundit projects McCain will be new president 'elect' on television in background.

Young latino girl: "He crazy. Obama is going to win. I can't even vote and I know he's gonna win. If the other dude win only white, rich people going to have access to health care. I sure as hell ain't rich or white."

Free Penn hospital health clinic: ob/gyn family planning department
Overheard by Noel

Goomba X-Files

Girl: "Ew I said hug me, not hump me like a horse."

Guy: "Whatever. Mind if I call you Smarty Jones?"

Girl: "Ummm no. And Smarty Jones? What about Barbaro?"

Guy: "No. Bensalem is Smarty Jones territory."

Girl: "What? You can't be serious."

Guy: "Oh I am. Come on, think about it. We've got an Italial mayor. Barbaro's leg was broken and then he subsequently died. Coincidence? I don't think so."

Bensalem Giant
Overheard by KlimRous

Have You MET A Philly Fan?

Fan at Phillies World Series parade: "Everybody shut the hell up!"

Broad and South
Overheard by CobaltBlueTony

Go Vote

Co-worker 1, watching Phillies parade on TV: "Oh look, there's Ryan Howard!"
Co-worker 2: "Um, that's Michael Nutter!"

Media
Overheard by r

To Canada?

Woman on cell: "Didn't he take malaria pills BEFORE he went??"

20th & Chestnut
Overheard by Tyler

Crying Children Are Always Funny

Top of the Art Museum steps: a group of elementary age children are looking down while teacher explains Rocky.

School kid: "These are the Rocky Mountain Steps!"

Teacher then tells children to run down the stairs and back up to simulate Rocky movies. Children do so and about half of them trip on their way down. Crying ensues.

Art Museum
Overheard by Red hoodie

That's Pretty Close To The Right-Wing Argument

Straight woman: "He's so beautiful AND he's a doctor. Of course he's gay...because God hates me."

HIV/AIDS Fundraiser
Overheard by Bug