Really? You Sure It Wasn't WalMart?

Well-dressed yuppie guy talking on his cellphone -- in the toy department:
"Yeah, yeah...maybe you ought to look in to that cooch surgery -- you know, labiaplasty? No offense, babe, but it's like tongue-kissing a damn Bassett hound down there."

Exton Target
Overheard by crankyprof

Pot + Bicycles = Comedy Genius!

Guy one and Guy two are riding bikes in the street. Guy one gets hit by a car and falls down in the middle of the street.

10 seconds later...

Guy two: "Dude...I think that guy just hit you with his car!"

Allentown, PA
Overheard by Ally

As We Learned Last Week...Homeless Guy Is Gay.

Homeless guy (that I walk by every day on my way to work) randomly says to me: "Hey, I know you-- you're the girl who doesn't comb her hair!"

Me to homeless guy: "Hey, I know you- you're the guy who sleeps outside!"

8th & Walnut
Overheard by Deb

So She Said, "Nuh uh" And I Said, "Uh Huh!"

Young lady on JFK Blvd.: "My sister told me I'm so immature for my age, I was like, whatever!"

18th & JFK
Overheard by Elvis Andretti

In The Same Aisle As 'Just For Men'

Soon-to-be Drunk Guy in a Bar: "You know I Scotchguard my beard every night."

The Green Rock
Overheard by Arylyn

You Can Trade Them Like Pokemon

two hip ladies out for a lunch:

one to the other: "Carpenter boyfriends are so hot right now."

the greenline
Overheard by artovandbelcher

And Make The Rest Of Us Puke, Just A Little

older black man in his 50's flirting with young sexy black woman in her 20's...

Man: "You look like a piece of candy I used to eat..."

Girl, smiling: "Was it chocolate?"

Man: "Girl, you gonna get us BOTH in trouble!"

34 trolley, Baltimore Avenue
Overheard by chocaholic

Actually This Is The First Reasonable Thing I've Seen Here In Months

6yr old: "Grandma, can I play with daddy's gun?"

Grandma: "No you cannot play with your daddy's gun!"

6 yr old: "But grandma!"

Grandma: "If I catch you with it ima beat yo ass!"

15th and Jefferson
Overheard by On my way to work..

Misogynistic Bike Cops...Who'd Have Thunk?

3 Bike cops slowly pedalling down street at night.

Bike Cop 1: "Lotta busts tonight..."

Bike Cop 3: "Told ya bitches!!"

Down the Shore
Overheard by S.1T

Changing The Laundry Detergent Never Helped

Woman to her equally slutty dressed friend: "That bastard said I gave him herpes... like I haven't heard that one before...oh please!

Inside Easy Pickin's on Chestnut Street
Overheard by Wanda

Rhyming On The Funk

White Temple student walks past group of loitering black guys.

Black guy: "Hey white girl! Hey white girl! Hey white girl!"

White girl: "Are you kidding me? Seriously?"

Black guy: "Naw naw! See I went to Temple too! It's 2008! Time to integrate!"

15th and Flora
Overheard by On my way to work...

something you should have TOLD ME YESTERDAY!

Guy casually observing another guy on the sidewalk sawing through something with a gigantic saws-all:

"Yep, that's exactly how I lost my fingers".

(He was missing a few digits, I checked.)

South Philly
Overheard by Sara

Not In Ocean City You Can't

teen boy #1: "25% Russian, 25% Irish, 50% Italian"

teen boy #2: "Dude, Italy is nowhere near Russia"

teen boy #1: "But I can hold my liquor"

Atlantic Ave Between St. James Place and North Street, Ocean City, NJ
Overheard by 50% Russian Myself

Craigslist Philly: Stupid Bitch Looking For Non-Faggot To Ignore And Insult Her

Cashier, ringing me up, to cashier in the next aisle, speaking over my head.

My Cashier:  "I like him, he cute but he a faggot" (referring to previous customer)

(Cashier behind me inquires why she said that)

My Cashier:  "He said he liked my hair so he a faggot."

Fresh Grocer, Chelten Ave Gtown
Overheard by Yawnsy

Well Then, My Friend, Let Me Tell You About The Book Of Mormon

20-Something Guy to friend: "I mean, I'm not a bad guy, I just tend to like more than one girl at a time, you know?"

Zac's in Media
Overheard by ReRo

Infrequently the submitter suggests a good title - Thanks ReRo!

Female Friend: My Safe Word Is Artichoke

College guy to female friend across the table:
 "So I go up to her room and she has rope burns on her wrists, and handprint sized bruises on her ass and I'm like "Fuck! Fun is one thing, but this is fuckin' ridiculous"

B&N Rittenhouse sq- cafe
Overheard by B&N guy (who wishes he heard the response)

Mom Says It's Ok If He Buys You Dinner First

3 female tweens walking...

Girl 1:  "Wait, is this the guy that kicked you in the face?"
Girl 2:  "He kicked you in the face?!?!?"
Girl 3 (laughing nervously):  "Ha ha, yea, right in my face."
Girl 1:  "Was he cute?"

walking by the Frank Rizzo statue near City Hall
Overheard by Chi

Dr. Phil Says Quality Time With Your Children Is Important

Setup: a 30ish guy who takes his approx 3-4 y/o daughter into the mens room, takes a dump w/ her in the stall and then comes out-

Daughter: "Don't forget to wash your hands daddy!"

Father: (Pulling daughter to the door) "Daddy's don't have to wash their hands."

Barnes & Noble Rittenhouse sq
Overheard by B&N guy

A Bad Mother---Shut Yo' Mouth!

Trolley driver opening the door and addressing what appears to be an old friend, smiling:

"Yo Black Man! Mah man looks like Isaac Hayes..It's true, you do! That brother's dead. So's Bernie Mac. So's Michael Jackson. And I'M NEXT! Aiight Black Man!"

<closes the door and drives on.>

10 trolley, 15th Street Station
Overheard by r.i.p. brothas

Rage Against The Machine

Recorded voice over loudspeaker: "Next stop...30th Street Station."

Crazy old woman: "I'm not getting off at 30th street, bitch! You can't tell me where to get off!"

Westbound Market-Frankford line
Overheard by L on the El

Fucking NASA Holding Out On Us AGAIN!

Crazy-ass Bearded Guy - "Of course they could freeze the Earth but that would kill everyone on Mars and Venus too."

[SNAPS HIS FINGERS]

"Ten billion people dead just like that."

Columbus Blvd across from the movie theatre
Overheard by mtsbspidey

The Time Stamp Is For The Subsequent Police Report

Flamboyant gay dude, screaming into cell phone 7/30/08 6:15pm.

"And you TALKED to that faggot motherfucker while you put ME on hold?  Oh no you did not just do that, motherfucker!"

18th and Benjamin Franklin Parkway, sidewalk outside the Embassy Suites
Overheard by Marge Gunderson

It's Nice When People Partially Understand The Concept

2 black guys are arguing with 4 black girls in a car and as the girls drive by the guys tell them to stop and back up.

The girl refuses to back up and screams out the window: "I ain't doing that, I got no insurance!"

Temple University
Overheard by XninjaR

He'd Have A Coronary At OHiP

Me (realizing all envelopes were typed incorrectly): "Oh HELL".

My boss, instantly gasps loudly: "LANGUAGE, Ms. V____"

My office
Overheard by jayvee

All Downhill After John Bonham Died

Punk kid talking to group of friends: "I like Led Zeppelin, except for the singer and the guitarist."

Outside Fiume, West Philly
Overheard by Melanie

Zygote Humor

guys were sitting at a table eating pizza

Guy 1 to Guy 2: "you were so little that you couldn't suck your mommas milk"

around 46th and Baltimore
Overheard by philly

This One Made Me Cry A Little

Muse playing on store radio

FYE Clerk 1: "You know I never really liked this song til I heard it on Guitar Hero."

FYE Clerk 2: "Yeah, totally!"

Montgomery Mall FYE
Overheard byS.1T mourning the death of Rock