No Matter What The Care Bears Say; Sharing Isn't Always Caring

(Couple walks up to CVS register)

Ghetto cashier: "Oh i'z sorry you'z had to hear that."

Guy: "Oh, us? We didn't hear anything, we were talking to each other."

Ghetto chasier: "Oh good, cause it was jus a lil too much, you know!"

Guy: "Uh, okay?"

Ghetto cashier: "Haha, but Seriously! I was tellin' him, it don't matta how big dat ass is, when she gets old its gona be draaaaaggin on the flo'! HA! Now take DAT to Da bank!"

(Couple laughs nervously.. exits quickly)

CVS, Center City
Overheard by On my way to work

Nope, #237

Girl: "Well the good news is you're going to charge me "rent" proportional to my salary. And I can make up the rest in baked goods and sex!"

Guy: "Ummm does that make me Client Number 10?"

Bensalem
Overheard by vmorgs

This Is Why I Work From Home

Musical coworker on other side of cubicle wall out of nowhere, “Have you heard that song Nikki? (proceeds to sing Micky the 80’s song by Toni Basil.)”

Other Coworker in middle of singing but not deterring it, “Yeah”

Musical Coworker, “Yeah that was a big hit…”
<Silence>
Musical Coworker,  “Have you heard that song, “She blinded me with Science… (Singing begins again)”

Some Office Somewhere
Overheard by ImbicileCubicleMates

Probably Their Daughter

Woman with a Teutonic or Slavic accent, on her cell phone: "Hi dear. Could you let Zsa Zsa out back? She's having diarrhea problems again and I don't want her to have another accident."

(I sincerely hope Zsa Zsa is a dog and not one of the help.)

Lobby of The Rittenhouse Hotel
Overheard by sweet johnny

So It's Not That You're A Racist, You're Just Incompetent?

Man 1: "Excuse me waitress, I asked for no mayo on my burger"
Waitress:  "It must be those Mexicans in the kitchen fault"
Man 1: (Stunned) "Uhh, ok..."
Waitress (coming back).  "Turns out it was my fault, I forgot to put it in the order"
Man 1 (mocking waitress to friend, a la Blazing Saddles) "Sorry about that 'Up Yours, Nigger' comment"

Ruby Tuesdays
Overheard by Hortence

Damn Dumbledore Never Tips

Drunk 20s guy hitting on hot drunk mid-30s chick: "Hey--don't I know you from Wizzards?"
Hot drunk chick (who has clearly never heard of Wizzards), crisply: "Wizards? You should stay away from them. They're shady-ass muthafuckas."

The Irish Pub
Overheard by phdchick

Beer Goggles OFF!

Asian High School girl #1 in Catholic uniform to another: "So he wont fuck me face to face anymore.  He always wants to do it from behind me or on my side or something."

Asian High School girl #2: stares blankly

(A minute later) Girl #1: "He also stopped drinking."

Gallery Mall - Foodcourt
Overheard by S.1T

I Can't Believe It's Not Yeast

Young white guy on cell: "She was nasty. She had vagina butter."

Frankford Transportation Center
Overheard by hotmomma

Girls In Stripper Outfits Show That God Loves Us

Guy walking with two girls, one on each arm.  All of them fancied up for a night on the town.  Girls dressed like strippers.

Girl 1: "My job is the only thing in my life right now that just ain't right.  I just feel that it ain't what I need right now in terms of my artistic development."

Guy: "Mmm"

Girl 1: "So I'm thinking about dancing at bars and parties."

Guy: (starting to giggle giddily)

Girl 2: "The best thing about dancing is that you always have nice clothes."

Guy: (giggling uncontrollably)

On South near Broad, walking east.
Overheard by nazca

That Sounds Kind Of Dirty....Maybe Jesus Is Cool After All?

Little girl handing out pamphlets

guy: "Ug, no thank you.  I've had enough Jesus in my life."

Random woman: "Well he hasn't had enough of you!"

Outside the Flower Show
Overheard by Ryan

Even The Black People Are Saying "WTF?!?"

Black Man #1: "Nigga, you a Capricorn?"
Black Man #2: "Yeah."
Black Man #1: "Me too, nigga! January 1st!"
Black Man #3: "Oh, you startin' the year off right, nigga!"
Black Man #4: "True, you be kickin' it off, huh?"
Black Man #1: "You know it. A piece of me do the ladies right! Start ya New Year OFF, nigga!"

7th & Snyder
Overheard by hotmomma

Cool! The Groom Used To Be My Bitch.

At a cocktail recption after a wedding in Center City

Drunk guy talking to gay drunk guy : "So, you are a friend of the bride or groom?"
Gay drunk guy: "The bride. She used to be my hag"

Center City Hotel
Overheard by Damon

The New Mazda RX-8

Young black male on cell phone: "No, I'm not going to church - Jesus knows what's in my heart! Yeah, uh-huh, well, I'm going to a car show."

train station, Market St.
Overheard by skippingschool

The Eternal Struggle For Dominance Of The Temple Guard

Philadelphia cop comes tearing in the door and tries to jump onto an elevator, followed by a shouting Temple cop:

Philly cop: "I outrank you!"
Temple cop: "No, *I* outrank *you*!"

Temple University Dental School
Overheard by Feeling safe in Philly

Carving Out A Niche In Theological Real Estate

A "homeless" guy that will occasionally bus tables for tips (even though he isn't employed by the bar): "I'm not homeless; I'm houseless!  Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Philly."

Same guy later on exhibiting his fine handle on logic: "Now, Jesus isn't God, right?  But Jesus is the Lord, right?  And God is the Lord, right?  So what does that make Jesus?  What does that make Jesus?!  That makes Jesus God!  WHOA!"

Oscar's Tavern
Overheard by Modern Drunkard

There Is Better Understanding Between The Genders Than Between The Races

Mother screaming into the men's room: "You in there?!"

8 year old black boy gingerly washing his hands next to a white yuppie: "Can you believe women?!"

Yuppie: "Damn straight!"

Men's room of the Ritz at the Bourse
Overheard by Bathroom Interloper

You Say Pajama, I Say Pajamee

Sexual Health Educator: "The receptive partner is at a higher risk for HIV."

Client: "You mean the jammie, right?"

Pathwayspa earncenter
Overheard by Lager Lord

Congrats scargosun!

Runner Ups:

you usually don't have your jammies on during this - stef mac

As long as they're not Spongebob jammies... - crankyProf

Power-Bottoming 101 - The Wizard of MagicLand

Easy Cum, Easy Go

Guy #1:  "So what was the deal with that mail order bride?"

Guy #2:  "Well, they give you $10,000 up front to marry her and $5,000 when she gets her green card."

Guy #1:  "That's some serious loot!"

Guy #2:  "Yeah, but I spent it all on drugs."

410 bus - Camden
Overheard by lewblum

A Step Down From Gonorrhea Guy?

"Dude is that the herpes girl?" - two hipsters shouting above the live music at the the Fire last Friday.

the fire, 4th & girard
Overheard by patiogirl

Dear Penthouse Forums...

(During a temporary break in a group sex scene.)

Guy pops a blueberry into mouth of Girl, then asks: "Do you want another one?"

Girl (making faces): "Bleah! No! Those are tart!"

Guy: "You're in a bed, naked, with three other people and accusing the *blueberry* of being tart?"

my boyfriend's bed
Overheard by the tart in question

Let's Play Find The Wigger

15 year old brother: "u no u can name ur ipod rite?"
23 year old brother: "Really, no way!"
15 year old brother: "yea...wat r u gonna name it?"
23 year old brother: "Frankie G-Stacks!"
15 year old brother:" ...."

In a house using an Ipod for the first time:
Oveerheard by annoyed by idiots

Pussy Or Football? Someone Has His Priorities In Order

Girl on cell: "So he is doing me for like 10 minutes and someone pounds on his door and says they are going to play football. And he gets up and goes!"

Chestnut and 32nd (such as it is)
Overheard by KJM

Contest Update

I've only gotten one response to this week's contest. What's up with you guys?

Writing these titles ain't as easy as it looks, hmmm?

Contest #2

Right Between Austria and Australia

Guy 1: "So I was watching these street fights on youtube last night from over in Europe, and they were crazy!"

Guy 2: "Yeah?"

Guy 1: "Yeah, this one was a guy fighting like 8 dudes in front of a courthouse in Brazil and...(he keeps rambling)"

Guy 2 muttering to himself: "Brazil's in Europe now?"

at the gym
Overheard by S.1T

In Russia The Drink Drinks You

Two Russian dudes outside of the electric factory after being handed free monster energy drinks.

Russian Dude #1: "This is the best drink ever, because its free."

Russian Dude #2: "Yeah, thats totally true... except for the "Best","Drink","Ever",and "Free" parts."

In line for Gogol Bordello concert outside of the Electric Factory
Overheard by Ugly Knievel

Please Tell Me Hillary Doesn't Have To Prove Her Womanhood

Black woman 1: "So, I was watching Obama dancing on the Ellen show."
Black woman 2: "Yeah, I seen that. Proved to me he isn't 100% black."
Black woman 1: "What you mean?"
Black woman 2: "NIgga ain't got no rythym!"


Broad and Locust
Overheard by Grady

Contest #2

Sexual Health Educator: "The receptive partner is at a higher risk for HIV."

Client: "You mean the jammie, right?"

Pathwayspa earncenter
Overheard by Lager Lord

Your Title?
Name (pseudonyms OK):

form mail

Good Intentions Pave The Road To Hell

Totally DelCo coworker heard through cubicle walls, "I always try to think of the environment before I litter."

Office in Media
Overheard by ImbecileCubicleMates

I'm Not Even Supossed To Be Here Today!

Guy behind register hands little old lady, who has to be at least 60, her change (a few pennies) -

Old Lady: "What the hell am I supposed to do with this??"

Employee: "I dunno. Put it in your pocketbook."

Old Lady: "My pocketbook's back at the whorehouse. It's safer there."

Quik Stop - Frankford & Sergeant
Overheard by terrified yuppie

Pyramid Scheme == Pegging

Guy #1: "So, how did it work out with that girl you met online?"
Guy #2: "It didn't."
Guy #1: "Oh, you two didn't hit it off?"
Guy#2: "No. She only wanted to date me so she could get me to join her pyramid scheme."
Guy#1: "Ouch!!!!!"

Marathon Grill Broad and Chestnut
Overheard by Garrett

On The Bright Side, He Did Get A Tony Nomination

"When he starts talking about his one-man production of Man of La Mancha, you know that he's entering into one of his crazy modes and he's gonna be homeless soon."

Outside AA meeting in Gayborhood
Dr. Octagon

Was It Really More Painful To Watch?

After Flyers' Game...
Female wearing Flyers jersey to gentleman walking with her (also wearing Flyers jersey): "...that's probably the first time you've been sober at a game, too..."

Outside Flyers game, Comcast Center, Sports Complex, South Philadelphia
Overheard by Dying to Race

Why Wait? Call Overheard In Philly Now!

New feature here at OHiP - GrandCentral

So, you know when you are out at 2am on Market St. on a Tuesday night and some lady starts beating on her car? Well instead of calling the cops (they've got enough to do anyway) you can call OverHeard in Philly and tell me all about it.

Sure, I won't actually pick up the phone...it's just voicemail...but I'll be glad to put your voyeuristic tendencies on teh internets.

A few things to note:
1. The recording you make by calling into this number becomes the property of OHiP. So say something funny and I make a ringtone out of it = you get nothing.

2. I need to know who said it, what they said, where it was said (be specific if you can), and your name (pseudonyms are fine). I won't post your phone number online.

3. If you don't speak clearly I won't care. Like all other spam, it will be deleted.

4. I *might* put the recording you leave (in whole or in part) on this website or other websites. I'll reference the name used on submission and link back to the original post, but as most people know by now; once something is online, it is online forever. I try to control where OHiP postings go but I can't check everywhere and I don't really care as long as other people aren't making money on it and/or not referencing OHiP correctly.

5. Click on the button below (or in the sidebar) and GrandCentral will call your phone and connect you to voicemail. Or you can add the number yourself. Two-One-Five, Five-Eight-Six, Three-Seven-One-Two.

6. BTW, anybody calling without doing the Overheard-thing at the beginning will get deleted. I don't give a shit that Heather is a bitch, that your cat just died, or how getting blown by your Mom makes you cry. Call Dial-A-Therapist or Ask Cleo for that stuff.

Happy Overhearing!

And Jesus, He Wants To Go To Venus

Drunk Hobo: "Do you know what song this is?! This is a great song!"

Guy at Kiosk: "Yea, it's Elton John, Levon."

Drunk Hobo: "Elton John! Levon, Levon likes his money...."

30th & Market Train Station, Septa Kiosk
Overheard by Anonymous

Sorry, I've Only Got 50K...Catch Me Next Payday

Large man, shouting, from half a block away: "My man, ca'I borrow a hundred thousand dollas?"

2nd near South, 4 am weeknight
Overheard by Manray

Just Waiting Tables To Get Through Seminary

Crazy, not quite homeless guy walks into diner not wearing any shoes

Bitchy gay waiter: "You can't come in unless you're wearing shoes"

Crazy guy: "Jesus didn't wear any shoes!"

Waiter: "Yeah, well this isn't the shores of fucking Galilee!"

Center city
Overheard by Dr. Octagon

Ain't That Right Governor Spitzer?

Two black women talking outside office building.

Woman #1: "Girl, let me tell you. It's not what you know, it's who you blow"

Woman #2: "True that! And I got the sore jaw to prove it"

16th and Market
Overheard by Jake

Jawn Is What We Call The Freezer. The Microwave Is Named Patollog.

A young black girl talking to a black male Wawa employee over the counter.

Girl: "Are the pancakes made fresh?"
Man: "Naw we don't mix up them jawn's here."
*Girl gives an extremely confused look*
Man: "No, we do not mix the batter here, they come in frozen."
Girl: "Oh..."

Wawa 36th and Chestnut
Overheard by The Cannon

Jumpy Little Racist Say What?

[casually walked out of the gym, past a black man at his car]

black guy [jumps, startled, looks at me]: "oh shit, its just a white kid, damn.."

Temple University Gym
Overheard by Ninja White Boy

Never Let Bosses Go To Vendor Conferences

Boss: "Linux is the new black!"

GeneriCorp, Wayne
Overheard by help me

One Puck To The Head Too Many

Flyers fan to no one in particular: "Florida's not even a city, it's a fucking peninsula!"

Flyers vs. Florida Panthers
Overheard by Four rows up

Is That Like Your Multiplication Tables?

Young Black guy with group of other young black guys: "You Gots to LEARN yo Niggas!"

3rd & Arch, 2/23/08
Overheard by High & Higher Ed

Everybody's Had To Fight To Be Free

Wealthy woman, on bus at 30th and Market: "I was on a bus once and the heat wasn’t working. The seats were leather, so it was very cold, and there were threads were pulling off of the seats…I felt like a refugee."

p2p circulator bus to NYC
Overheard by Next time, take Amtrak

Not Like He Had Any Brains To Splatter On The Road

A young black kid on a bike riding across walnut street while he has a red light. He narrowly avoids getting hit and yells: "DAMN! My grill piece almost got fucked up!"

40th and Walnut
Overheard by The Cannon

Nuclear Holocaust, most likely

Annoying fifteen year old-ish boy to other annoying fifteen year old-ish boy: "What if your hair was blond...and you dyed it...BLOND! HA!"

2nd boy: (blank stare)

Mutter Museum (Market & 22nd)
Overheard by wtf?

Congrats PhiladeLOVE!

Runners Up:
Blonde Ambition - Jacky and Why Am I Still Here?

Children are the future. The terrifying future. - Ol' Tom

I'd be approximately one tenth as brain-dead as you? - Lusus Naturae

Waxing Blond - leas_new_end

Identifies Literal 'Talk Behind Their Back' Opportunities

Little white boy watching firecrackers go off during the Chinese New Year celebration, commenting on the people wearing earplugs: "Those are for deaf people!"

11th & Race
Overheard by I see deaf people

But If I Miss My Stories...Someone Is Going To Die

Big black woman looking under the hood of her car, screaming into her cell phone: "Ain't no MOTHERFUCKIN' CAR gon' ruin my MOTHERFUCKIN' DAY!"

22nd & Market
Overheard by serlingrod

Contest #1 - Update

I'm closing down submissions as of Noon (EST) Thursday, March 6, 2008.

I'll announce the winners and runners up on Friday.

It Was My Fault...I Walked Into His Fist

Girl on cellphone on the rush hour EL: "My other ex-boyfriend may have broken in all my front teeth, but at least he respected me."

York Street EL station
Overheard by Arylyn

At Least She Has Her Looks

Beautiful Young Girl School Girl: "That test was pretty hard. It was really thinky."

South Jersey (could you be less specific? Perhaps Eastern United States?)
Overheard by J.S.

Title Contest #1

Annoying fifteen year old-ish boy to other annoying fifteen year old-ish boy: "What if your hair was blond...and you dyed it...BLOND! HA!"

2nd boy: (blank stare)

Mutter Museum (Market & 22nd)
Overheard by wtf?

Your Title?

Name (pseudonyms OK):

All submissions are property of Overheard In Philly. I am the final judge and jury for the winner. The winner receives nothing except fame and comment trolls telling them how bad their titles suck. Good luck!

create web form

This Woman Went To College Just To Meet People

Pregnant woman, standing behind register which has a sign on it that says 'This register don't print receepts':

"Oh mah gaad, you a fool, don't you know stupider ain't a word? Damn.......Can I help you?"

Wendy's - Roosevelt Blvd, NE Phila
Overheard by doodles.

So Now We Are Correcting Graffiti Grammer?

One roommate to another: "Is he the guy who wrote 'boner 4 ever'? He probably is, isn't he?"

Broad Street
Overheard by Anonymous

Act III, Where We Finally Learn The Reason For Our Hero's Psychosis

Guy1 (to lady): "You're a liar!"
Guy2 (to Guy1): "Dude, that's mean. You don't even know her."
Guy1 (to Guy2): "No it's fine, I'm French."

Septa bus
Overheard by JKill09

Act II, Our Hero Lashes Out Against Knowledge

Lady who overhears: "You have the wrong idea about college."
Guy: "Lies! You don't learn anything anymore, that's what the Discovery channel is for"

Septa bus, Spring Garden street
Overheard by JKill09

Act I, Where We Met Our Hero And Learn His Is A Fool

Guy talking to another: "You don't go to college to learn, you go to college to meet people."

43 Bus, Springgarden St.
Overheard by JKill09

Yeah, But Next Time Warn Me Before You Put It There

Couple arguing in suburban station...

Girl: "You're a dumb ass!- Whatever! Stupid dumb ass"

Dude: "Yeah...maybe I am, but YOU sure loved it"

Suburban Station
Overheard by YouKnewItLady

Yes, Cletus. Now Go Stick Your Head In The Gas Oven.

Customer: "I want a high definition camera."

Me: "You're going to need a high definition TV and a high definition burner"

Customer: "I have plenty of burners. I have a gas stove!"

Suburban Electronics Store
Overheard by Seriously?

Campus Crusade For Satan?

Girl On Phone: "I asked my mum about meat and blood and where to find it, and she said that Carlinos had a good smoked ham. I had to be like, no mum, not to eat.
...she was on codine so its forgiveable."

Penn Campus
Overheard by Ack