For When Your Dad And I Visit

Overly concerned mother on tour of Drexel campus: "Now, is that the same policy for marijuana use?"

Embarrassed daughter: "MOM!"

Overly concerned mother: "I'm just asking, honey."

Myers Hall, Drexel University
Overheard by Anonymous

Obsession by Calvin Klein

First girl on bus [looking out the window]: "Is there really any color at the United Colors of Benetton?"
Second girl on bus: "There used to be."

Westbound #9 bus
Overheard by Desperate Hours Productions

But It's Boosenberry!

Homeless man holding an unlabeled jar of jelly: "Y'all wanna buy some jelly?"

Guy to homeless man: "I don't want your AIDS jelly"

13th and Walnut
Overheard by Anonymous

I'm Shoving Years Of My Life Down The Toilet. Better?

Annoyingly peppy woman: "What are you doing?"

Woman filing research paperwork: "I'm filing research paperwork".

Annoyingly peppy woman, laughing uproariously, "Oh you're so LITERAL!!"

Museum office
Overheard by How was she supposed to answer???

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

2 older couples out to dinner at a restaurant.
Older man to the table: "Well at least it's better than having sex with a dog."

19th & Chestnut
Overheard by Anonymous

But Sir, There's No Porn. The Internet Is All About Trading Recipes.

(Intern looking for information on the internet.)

Supervisor: "Did you find it yet?"
Intern: "Not yet."
Supervisor: "Did you "google" it?"
Intern: "Yeah, but I couldn't find it."
Supervisor(yelling): "Well then, Google Harder!!!"

Overheard at Work
Overheard by Rumpleforeskin

Crack Whores?

While out poll-monitoring for the Committee of 70:

Black Dude: "So you guys're doing community service - that's cool, maybe if I had more time I'd do some of that."
White Male Law Students: "Yeah, it's pretty cool."
Black Lady in background: "See! You boys ain't doing nothing and that's why THESE PEOPLE are still in charge!"

S 52nd and Chester Ave
Overheard by shockedlawstudent

On Thanksgiving Day We Extend The Hand Of Stupid To Our Norse Friends

Overseen at the University of Oslo, Norway in the Student Cafeteria on the microwave: "Please do not put metal in the microwave!"

University of Oslo
Overheard by Anonymous

Hello, I'll Be Spitting In Your Food This Evening.

Waitress: "You need a new hairstyle."

Helen: "I'll change my hair when you change your shirt...[pause]...when you take a bath."

Overheard by Lew Blum

What Does That Even Mean?

Hobo to absolutely no one: "I, my friend, am homosexually retarded."

Broad and Arch Sts
Overheard by heterosexually intelligent

Crack Whores Keep Overheard In Philly Alive

Crazy crack whore in front of me on the train taking very loud to man seated next to her "Yeah, I'm loud. When I lived in South Philly my neighbors told me they could hear me all night long, so I told them they oughta close their fucking window. My man I had back then used to fuck me good. damn I miss that dick. It was a big motherfucker. I almost choked on it once"

Woman next to me whispers "I wish she had"

8:45 am on the patco
Overheard by Please use your indoor voice

Little Timmy No Dick Rationalizes Early

Little kid: "It's exactly my size, only bigger!!"

Museum display
Overheard by jayvee11

You Can't Handle The Truth!

Male: "Ben Franklin was quite the ladies' man."
Female: "Ewww!"
Male: "Well you have to remember he was a statesman, inventor, philosopher. He was like the Jack Nicholson of his time."

Just off South Street
Overheard by BF Forever

Just Eat Something!

Too-thin blonde in overcoat: "I can't drink anything cold after the weather drops below 85 degrees...When McDonald's gets out the Shamrock Shakes, I have to drink them in my car with the heated seats on and the heat blasting. I get such a sweet tooth when it's cold...if they made hot ice cream, I'd drink it."

Starbucks, 15th & Locust
Overheard by Ms. Violet

Voted Most Likely To Get Hit By A Bus

Oblivious Teen Girl, "It smells like cake here."

baking isle in the supermarket
Overheard by Darryl

I Don't Want To Pay The Late Fee

A college student (maybe 18 or 19) dressed as a king (long, regal robes, crown) is pushing an old drunk man in a wheelchair (not a costume) down the sidewalk. As they pass me, I hear the king say, "Where did I find you?"

39th and Spruce, Saturday Night
Overheard by scott

Somebody Just Finished A Kaplan Class

High School boy #1: "Why you gotta cuss so much?"

HSB #2: "Shuddap, bitch! Mind yo' fucken' bidness!"

HSB #1: "Man, you be all inarticulate and shit!"


Suburban Station
Overheard by Weeping for the future

Should Have Gone To The Meth Addict Down The Block

Random woman walking down Spruce, talking on phone: "I got that crackhead to fix my car; I could pay him in crack. I think the car is worse after he looked at it!"

48th and Spruce
Overheard by Nina

Would You Like Me To Take Pictures?

Typical well-dressed man to presumed grandmother: "I may have to go to the ghetto, grandma."

Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Anonymous

Yes, Sensi. You Are Very Wise.

Man watching his colleague fix jammed copier: "You have to *find* the upside of the head before you can smack it..."

Museum
Overheard by Didn't realize that applied here...

When It Rains Crazy It Pours

(Old black lady sitting on a bench refuses to let young white male sit next to her while he waits for friend inside of coffee shop. A few minutes pass, and then she pokes him in the foot with her cane.)

Guy (irritated): "What?"

Old Lady, (singing):"When it rains, it rains for you, pretty little white girl!" (Then she yells to no-one in particular across the street): "That's for you motherfucker, like you think I don't know what is going on."

(Seconds later young attractive white girl exits coffee shop, fresh ground coffee in hand.)

"Smell it! It smells delicious, doesn't it!"

Guy looks nervously at old woman as he pulls friend away from the shop

Italian Market
Overheard by the guy she poked

I've Always Been Partial To "Oh For A Thousand Tongues"

church secretary, complaining: "Pastor Tom, he's all "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" until I do something wrong, and then he turns into your normal hateable boss."

Church office
Overheard by I'm all "The Bible Tells Me So"

Wow, Vos Es Bardus

College kid 1: "They only have pepsi, so Im getting coffee."
College Kid 2: "Dude, you dont like pepsi?"
College Kid 1: "Nope-everyone knows Coke's made by Catholics and Pepsi is made by Mormons."

Great American Diner
Overheard by Harry Potter and the Posting of KeiKei

Jeff Foxworthy In His Next Incarnation

My neighbor's newly immigrated drunk Nigerian friend: "Ghandi was a fucking Redneck!"

on the stoop in West Philly
Overheard by lewblum

What Passes For Political Discourse On Septa

Woman #1: "So, I hear Jenna Bush is getting married!"
Woman #2: "You know that ain't gonna be no dry wedding."
Woman #1: "Don't you think that sounds like a porn star name. "And the winndr for best anal sex scene goes to Jenna Bush"
Woman #2: "Shit it ought go to her father, cause he be fucking the whole country up the ass."
Woman #1: "true that" (they high-five each other)

16th and Locusts waiting for the train
Overheard by Randal

One Last Marble And We'll Break The Record

Guy to the dental assistant: "I bet I've had more things in my mouth than Britney Spears today"

Center City Dentist Office
Overheard by K-Fed

Next Time My Girlfriend Demands Sex I'm Trying This!

Flaming Gay #1: "So, oh my god let me tell you. He used to date my friend."

Flaming Gay #2: "No way, so dish!"

Flaming Gay #1: "My friend said he was amazing in bed. He has this tight bubble butt and my friend would lay on his back spread his legs and he would fuck him so hard his hand prints would be on his ass from holding on."

Flaming Gay #2: "I'm so horny now. The hottest thing any guy ever did to me was cum on my ass."

Flaming Gay #1: "Well you know how I fake an orgasm?"

Flaming Gay #2: "How?"

Flaming Gay #1: "I spit on the guy's back!"

Flaming Gay #2: "Ooh. hot!"

13th and Walnut
Overheard by I'm so glad I'm straight

How Much Is That Doggie In The <BANG!> <BANG!>

Philly Cop #1: "Here puppy, puppy."

(to dog in window of car)

Philly Cop #2: "If that dog jumps out of the window, i will shoot it. I will shoot the fucking dog."

Girl in Car: "Roll up the window. Now."

South Philly
Overheard by Anonymous

Better Than Cow Tipping

teenage flamboyant boy: "After hearing that victim services lady talk about it, I really want to try ecstasy. It just sounds so fun!"

during class at PVHS
Overheard by Anonymous

The DEER Are Crazy?

Old woman talking to bus driver: "The deer are going crazy. What, they put Viagra in the grass? Aaaah... I'm an old NUT."

27 Bus
Overheard by knew she was a nut before she opened her mouth

Ooooh Child Abusers Make Me Hot

male talking to female in mall at a females' clothing store...

male: "what is with these belts, they are so huge?"

female: "yea, it's just the style."

male: "well if i were a dad this place would be great."

female: "why?"

male: "because these belts would be great for beating my kids"

Mall (Female Clothing Store)
Overheard by histerical

Was This Before Or After The Hot Sex?

Couple screaming at each other at the top of their lungs.

Man: "You don't understand! I work my ass off all day and the only time I have to clip my toenails is when we're in bed!"

Woman: "That is uncalled for. I wanna snuggle"

Man: "You don't get it. I DON'T want to snuggle. I want to clip my toenails. I don't have an easy job like you where I can disappear for 1/2 hour at a time."


16th street between Market and Chestnut
Overheard by The Dept. of Sanitation

So Where Does All The Blood Come From, Ozzy?

"chickens aren't birds. they don't have hearts."

one co-worker to another
Overheard by bored

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do

Woman 1, peering into the tiny door of a maintenance crawl-space: "What a weird little place, what is this?"
Woman 2: "The duct work is in there. In fact, there are men in there right now."
Woman 1: "What a great place to keep them!"

Museum
Overheard by Jayvee

A Little Nappy And A Bottle And It Will Be ALLLL Better

Yippie Dad: "Did you check the air conditioner today?"

Yippie Mom: "Yeah, it isn't cooling the house below 78 degrees. But I don't think it is broken. It's been running for month. I think it just needs a rest."

Little Gym - Springhouse
Overheard by Hillberg

Rich AND Classy

Guy Headed to Homeless Shelter (talking about his girlfriend): "Man, she's all I got. I got another girlfriend too. You always gotta keep an extra on the side."

NJ Transit Bus - Westville, NJ
Overheard by Lew Blum