If I Do, You Do

Little girl being dragged down the street by her dad: "You mean I have to go to SCHOOL on trick or treat day?!?!"

Broad and Ellsworth
Overheard by Anonymous

My Dealer Is Up For Parole Next Week

Boss, watching intently as assistant takes two bright orange Ibuprofen tablets: "Are those anything I should have??"

26th & Fairmount
Overheard by Jayvee

But Plenty Of Weirdos

Two guys staring at a group of girls who have just walked by.

Creepster old guy walking by: "That is the trouble with Main Street; too much ass and not enough dick."

Manayunk
Overheard by Anonymous

I Feel Your Pain...No Wait I Don't Give A Shit.

Some mid-40’s cougar: “I can’t believe I waited in line all this time for ONE fucking crab ball and a Diet Coke!”

Taste of NE Philly, Saturday night
Overheard by teamcinnamon

Yeah, Your Girlfriend, Last Night.

dude 1: "i was diagnosed with narcolepsy."

dude 2: "you f*ck dead people!?"

at a party
Overheard by Anonymous

Rim Job Without The Messy Cleanup

Stereotypical gay friend: "I bought this stuff to put on my nails so I stop biting them."
Stereotypical Blonde friend 1:"What's it taste like?"
Stereotypical Gay friend: "Shit."
Stereotypical Blonde friend 2: "Oooh let me lick your nails!"

Bucks Community College
Overheard by They Call Me "KeiKei"

Bubbalicious Would Work Better

(Two middle-aged black men just chillin')

Man #1: "Man, how you gonna block the sun?"
Man #2: "E-clipse, man. I seen in on a car-TOON!"

22nd & Market
Overheard by apolcalypse wow!

The Submitter's Name Says It All...Ewwhh

Bathroom attendant lady handing toilet paper over the top of stalls: "Here you go ladies! A little up high for down low."

McFadden's 3rd Street
Overheard by NoMoreDripDry

Let's Find A Control Group And Conduct A Longitudinal Study

Crazed Three-year-old Boy: "Banana makes me craaaazy!"
Calm Mom: "Oh, really? What about strawberry?"

Franklin Institute
Overheard by She's Crafty

Sure, But They Have To Stand

Two college-aged girls at the receptionist of an OB-GYN office in Horsham after the nurse tells them that no hospitals in Philadelphia deliver babies...

Girl 1: "Where are all the poor black women going to go?"
Girl 2: "Are pregnant people allowed to ride the bus?"

Abington Obstetrics & Gynocology Office in Horsham
Overheard by House Husband

Kid: "I Wanted To Be Born Into A Human Family"

Guy pushing stroller, yelling: "What do you want, Sylvia?! Do you want everyone to know how good a mom you are?"

Sylvia, yelling: "What do I want? I want you to be a better father!"

Guy, calmly: "And I want you to be a better mother. We all want things."

16th & South
Overheard by Mithras

Those Crazy Germans and Their Bad English

German tourist lady, shouting: "How many for the spectacles? How many spectacles you having? Are spectacles today?"

The Kimmel Center, The Plaza
Overheard by Ms Violet

I Think Extreme Said It Best On Pornograffitti

Surprised Girl (sees guy approaching): "What the hell are you doing in Philadelphia??!"

Guy: "I keep asking myself the same question."

34th and Walnut
Overheard by you're clever

Fashion Advice From Civil Servants. It Is A Sad Day In The City.

Semi attractive girl trying way too hard to be on the front line of fashion, strutting around with a designer bag, half a jacket, expensive shades etc. trying to attract attention.

City worker to Co-worker "I guess she's never seen that show, What Not to Wear"

16th and sansom
Overheard by Take THAT, princess!

Take A Look At My Enormous Penis

Paul (of Paul & Storm): "Pirate Zoloft! That's the name of my OTHER Emo band."

At Jonathan Coulton concert at the Sellersville Theater 1894, Sellersvile, PA
Overheard by Hilberg

If You Can't Get Into Community College...Consider Drexel!

girl to her friends: you know those carrot things in math problems? apparently they mean greater than and less than. i was like "what?" i didn't learn THAT in fourth grade!

Drexel University Dining Hall
Overheard by Anonymous

Now I Won't Have To Go All Aristotle On Your Ass

Villanova Law Student: "You see, the thing is, Socrates was a fuck-face."
VLS Student #2: "It pleases me that you said that..."

The Grog
Overheard by Laughing uncontrollably

Damn Right!

Young Woman with chopsticks poised: "Ah, wasabi. It's like an enema for your sinuses."

Nara, 40th & Spruce
Overheard by Sushi Deluxe

The Voices Told Me To Check The Bushes Instead

girl walking down the street, "I should have gone through the trash today. There was some good shit."

Frankford and Allegheny
Overheard by Anonymous

But Lesbians Must Be The Exception

Realtor to prospective tenants, who are middle aged women: "I'm used to showing these spaces to either men that are 50 year old millionaires, or men who are twenty something Billionaires. Go figure, I don't think the middle aged people have the money anymore."

Center City, Liberty One
Overheard by Philly Chit Chat.com

I'm Late, I'm Late For A Very Important Date

Very tiny saleslady rushing past talking to absolutely no one: "I'm really just very very nervous..."

Macy's
Overheard by Jayvee

Unfortunately It Is The Yeast That Stinks

Woman 1: "At least I take responsibility for my own mold..."

Woman 2: "I know, that's good, that's really all I ask."

26th & Pennsylvania, office kitchenette
Overheard by jayvee

But She Is Saving The Tax Payers $7,576 Per Year!

12 year old catholic school girl at a birthday party: "I thought that we had leap years so that Holy Thursday would always be on Thursday Easter would always be on Sunday."

Mayfair
Overheard by Public School Grad

The Romans Always Connected With Their Victims

Gay #1: "So what do you like most about sex?"
Gay #2: "Dick!!!! (Giggles) I know I'm such a bottom. But I like the taste, I like the shape and every dick is different. You never get bored."
Gay #1: "Yeah, there is a certain connection you have when you are giving head."
Gay #2: "I know, it's like your being impaled, well maybe not impaled, but you are connected in a special way."
Gay #1: "Oh yeah, I agree"


Gay Adult Book Store at 13th and Walnut
Overheard by Roman Heart

Try Chinatown

Black Muslim: "Man, i want some fucking chicken."

*plunks dollar bills on the counter*

Crown Fried Chicken Employee: "We don't serve fucking chicken, what we have is *points to sign behind him* FRIED CHICKEN!"

Crown Fried Chicken, under the El on Frankford
Overheard by 6 wings, 2 biscuits

The Downward Spiral Began After Being Voted "Mostly LIkely To Blow Himself Up" in High School

Crazy Homeless Guy Talking to Himself: "That whole City Hall be crazy. I'mma get a bomb and burn it to the ground. Now I just gots to go find me one of them terrorists and get me a bomb."

LOVE Park
Overheard by Scared to go to City Hall Again

The Alpha And Omega Of Pork-like Products

guy to wife: "i think i might get scrapple but i dont remember what it is."
wife: "I am not sure either i remember what that is."

Dutch Eating Place- Reading Terminal
Overheard by Liz

Just Ask Your Mom For Some...Wait She Obviously Doesn't Know How To Use Them Either

Two young girls of about 11 and 14 on train...

11 yr old: "I ain't havin sex wit him, whos gonna take care of mah baby?!"

14 yr old: "Den don't get pregnant. Use a condom. Dey give 'em out in mah school."

11 yr old: "Yeah das cause you're already in high school, dey don't give 'em out in my school yet"

Patco Speedline
Overheard by Shocked at how young hoes start...

I Smell A Sitcom Pilot

Little girl watching her mommy lift bags into the cart when young man is walking in the lumber aisle: "Mommy mommy that looks like daddy!"
Mommy: "No that's not daddy. he looks like daddy but it's not him."
Little girl: "Bad daddy!"

bustleton ave home depot
Overheard by Polly

Just Like Adam Named It In the Garden

Little girl, holding a triceratops toy: "Gramma, what's this?"
Grandma: "It's an armadillo."

toy store
Overheard by it's time for the tar-pits

That's Not What 'Straight' Means

Flamboyant American Apparel worker (as loudly as possible): "You know your straight friend, Steven? Well, we were at a party last night, and he went down on me. Heh."

American Apparel
Overheard by Anonymous

Not Everyone Can Take A Day Off To Cheer On Millionaires

Heavy Set woman pushing her way through the crowd at the Phillies Rally: "Outta my way, I gotta get to the El."

Citty Hall
Overheard by Standing in the Rally Crowd

She Thought He Had a Knuckless Finger

A 30 something male on his cell phone: "I told you I had a small dick when we started dating. It's only 4 inches when it's hard!"

Old Navy parking lot Abington, PA
Overheard by Anonymous

The Constant Struggle Between Violence and Bad Grammar

Little black boy to his brother: "why are those kids in the park playin with swords?"
His brother: "Cause they dumb."

34 trolley @ Clark Park
Overheard by KissyKissKiss

3..2..1..Knee To Groin

Lonely man: "I have a really bad headache."

Woman: "Oh, that sucks."

Lonely man: "Maybe if we slept together it would go away."

West Philadelphia, Corner of 47th and Baltimore
Overheard by april

Nah, But The Taco Lady Down The Street Is Great!

Black girl #1 (In back of me in line at lunch cart): "Mmmm Mmmm that guy is so fine working in this here cart with his tight t-shirts and muscles."

Black Girl #2: "Girl, I know. I be getting wet standing here looking at him. Oh sweet jesus!"

Black girl #1: "I'd like to try some of his big italian sausage"

Black girl #2: "Umm hmm. True that!"

Gay guy in back of them: "Now I really need to suck a cock. Preferably his."

16th and Chestnut
Overheard by I'd do him too

And Get Out Of That Chair You Lazy Bastard

Mom to kid in wheelchair: "Now honey, just take off your glasses, so you can see better!"

Phila Zoo Ape House
Overheard by Guess she already saw the tortoises screwing

Lesson: Stock More Whole Grains

5 year old kid in the bread aisle runs up to me and whispers : "You are my white enemy."

Shop Rite- East Norriton
Overheard by Wonder Bread man

There Has Got To Be A Pill For That.

Woman with large glasses: "I gotta go to the bathroom."

Her friend: "Oh, well we're almost home."

Woman with large glasses: "It doesn't matter when I get to the toilet. Nothing is gonna to happen anyway."

Her friend: "Alright. Ok. I hear ya."

34 Trolley, Green Line
Overheard by Anonymous

Jeopardy: What Did One Racist Say To The Other Racist?

white guy to white guy (looking at billboard for new Mickey D's Sweet T): "I'm so black for that shit"

driving down i-95
Overheard by i'm loving it!

Or Internets

Very, very old woman to an equally old friend: "I used to have a lot more sex when I was younger, there wasn't any TV back then."

CVS in Trappe
Overheard by Oh, my

Wait, Is That In The Handbook?

crazy black lady to two young hispanic guys with iced coffees from Dunkin' Donuts:

"You spics don't drink iced coffee!"

15th and Cecil B Moore
Overheard by overheardbytemple

Phillies Fans Are Stupid? Who Gives A Shit. We're In The PLAYOFFS!!!!!

college meathead #1: "Dude its so hot out here."

college meathead #2: "Man I know. The freaken sun is so hot."

college meathead #1: "yea dude the sun is so hot. I think we are technologically advanced enough to like live with out the sun."

College meathead #2: "yea..right!"

college meathead #1: "I mean...I think we produce enough plutonium to live with out the sun."

me to my boyfriend: "did you just fucking hear that? dumbasses"

Phillies game-Citizens Bank Arena
Overheard by Anonymous

Pain Is A Philadelphia Sports Fan's Constant Companion...This Guy In The More Literal Sense.

Drunk, white, stereotypical Eagles fan 1: "The Eagles fucking suck, man. McNabb, that fucking n*gger!"
Drunk, white, stereotypical Eagles fan 2: "Dude, shut up."
Drunk, white, stereotypical Eagles fan 2: "What? Look at what jersey I'm wearing. I can talk shit."

On an R5 train with a bunch of black people
Overheard by ashamed to be white