A Pickle Jar You Sickos

Girl In Elevator 1: "So he just shoves his whole fist in! He doesn't like, place it in or anything--but I guess he was really drunk. I mean, still, everyone at the table was like, 'Awkward!'"
Girl in Elevator 2: "Awkward..."

The Carlyle, 21 and Locust
Overheard by Still Wondering What He Shoved His Fist Into...

I Love The Smell Of Hot Urine On A Cool Spring Day

Lady in waiting room: "Our cat used to jump up and pee on the stove. You can only imagine the smell of cooked urine."

Vet's Office in DE
Overheard by Hortense

Someone's Having A Dr. Seuss Day

Trolley Operator: "Okay, this is a full trolley, so I'm gonna go over the rules. "

• "Rule Number One! If you want the train to move you have to stay away from the doors!"
  
• "Rule Number Two! If you want to get off the train you have to ring the bell. That's those strings on the sides!"
  
• "Rule Number Three! You have to step down to exit the trolley in the back. I can't see you -- no matter what you're wearing...red coat, blue coat, black coat -- you gotta step down!"

34 Trolley, headin' west
Overheard by Jo

...And That's Why I Want To Marry Your Daughter

Guy: "There's some girls you can just throw up on."

Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Anonymous

Would Steven Segal Have Been Less Creepy?

Mid-40's thrift store lady (speaking to a VHS copy of 'Hidalgo')
"Mm, mm. Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it."

Thrift Fair, Aramingo & York
Overheard by Little Bald Bastard

Pain, Will You Return It

Skinny cyclist guy: "Oh no, I lost a ring! I liked that one too, because... (trails off)"
Girlfriend: "You can say it. I know your ex-girlfriend gave it to you."
Skinny cyclist guy: "No, it's not because of that. I liked it because it was warped when I had my bike accident."
Girlfriend: "You have serious problems, do you know that?"

Fairmount
Overheard by NoSeriousProblems

Explains The Glow Around LaSalle These Days

professor 1: "These mushrooms look like they're from the Ukraine. Western Ukraine!"

professor 2: "Chernobyl mushrooms! Who'd want to eat Chernobyl mushrooms?"

LaSalle University faculty dining room
Overheard by nuclear

Winner For Most Obscure Euphemism for Ugly

gay bartender: "her face could hold a five day rain"

gayborhood bar
overheard by junebuoy

Its Got A Beat And I Can Dance To It

Crazy lady, screaming: "I don't sell mah pussy, I don't suck no dick. I don't sell mah pussy, I don't suck no dick...

15th and Chestnut
Overheard by Bronwyn

See, Gay Marriage Is EXACTLY The Same As Straight Marriage

white women: "can you help me put him in his car seat?"
rican women: "oh shit, he made me drop our dildo on the ground babe!"

South Street
Overheard by PinkE

Long Tradition In Philadelphia Retail

Customer Service Lady at Marshalls: "Hello, you're calling about your problem?"

Store Manager (yelling across the check out): "Tell her we aren't dealing with problems today."

Overheard by J

Alex, I'll Take Ugly Americanism For $200

Girl #1: "Hey guess where Sally* is going next week? Vienna!"
Girl #2: "Oh my god! Your going to Italy?!"

15th and Locust Streets
Overheard by Cami

And The Duck Says

Bus Driver: "I can't let you off here. You'll get killed."

Thug: "It's cool man. I got insurance!"

32 Ridge and Lyceum
Overheard by Anonymous

It's Spring And Love Is In The Air

12-year-old thug boy #1: "But yo, she is like, so beautiful."
12-year-old thug boy #2: "What, you tryna date her or somethin?"
12-year-old thug boy #1: "Oh, hell naw, I'm just tryna fuck."

Ogonotz and Somerville
Overheard by Central student

He Can See His Future

Observing an unusually long check-out line in the cafeteria, grill guy #1 "That look like the welfare line!"

Center city cafeteria
Overheard by easily amused

I Surrender! I Surrender!

Homeless Guy: "Spare some change. (Pause) I'll go back to France!"

12th & Chestnut
Overheard by girl_rugger14

No Wonder He Is Fucking Your Friend

woman waiting for the bus: "sometimes i forget i'm married. i guess if my husband was rich, i wouldn't forget about him, but he not."

west philly
Overheard by Anonymous

Horror Stories Of The Rich and Elderly

WASPy older woman who sounds like Mrs. Howell: "I need to go buy the latest issue of The Economist."

WASPy younger woman who also sounds like Mrs. Howell: "Oh?"

WASPy older woman who sounds like Mrs. Howell: "Yes, my subscription to The Economist has run out."

WASPy younger woman who also sounds like Mrs. Howell: "Oh, De-ar!"

outside the bookstore at 30th st station
Overheard by mtsbspidey

Not Much Better Than Manayunk

Young Woman on cell: "But delusion, I just think that delusion is a much better place for him!"

40th & Walnut
Overheard by special k

Fear Me For I Am Puddles The Pekingese

Woman sitting in the rear of the 23 bus: "I walk a lot, and my legs are strong. You come at me, I'm kicking! I'm not scared of anything on two legs. Now four legs, that's something else! haha. You come at me on four legs, and I am outta there!!!"

on the bus
Overheard by Anonymous

Mr. Kim's Advanced Math Class

6th Grader entering classroom: "It smells like Chinese people in here!"

Girard College
Overheard by It's definitely not me

Bitch! Phillyblog.com Shout Out Bitch!

Bitch #1 to Bitch #2: "Bitch! I left my extensions on the train!!"

13th and Market
Overheard by EastChestnut

Someone Is Getting A Spanking

Black Woman in her 20's: "Yeah I ain't talkin' to that fuckin' bitch no more- Mother? You there?"

6th and Tasker
Overheard by chuckles

What Would We Do Baby Without Us? Sha-La-La-La

Homeless Man, pointing to an upturned muffin in the middle of the street: "They cancelled the salt...Ricky Schroeder got his salt cancelled."

South Street
Overheard by Anonymous

A Little Too Ironic. Yeah I Really Do Think.

Bald guy to cashier while buying Mr. Clean. "Mr. Clean ain't got shit on me!"

Market on the Square, 23rd & South
Overheard by imsoohungry

And Then We Drink

White Guy: "Dude, why are you wearing a shirt with the irish flag on it?"

Black Guy: "Everybody's Irish on St. Patrick's day!"

White Guy: "Does that mean that for the entire month of February I'm black?"

R7 Train to Trenton
Overheard by Curly

You've Been Out Riding Fences For So Long

Skater Dude: "Yea, the only thing we have to worry about is desperadoes coming after us."

30th st station
overheard by mtsbspidey

It Puts The Lotion In The Basket

Creepy guy, to me, as I walked behind a girl with her bike: "I could ride you better than that bike."

Italian Market
Overheard by bad pick-ups

What's That Address Again?

Penn Undergrad Girl #1 - "Isn't just absolutely gorgeous outside today?!"
Penn Undergrad Girl #2 - "Yeah I know, just think, everyone is going to be running around naked tomorrow!"

Hamilton Walk, Penn
Overheard by IrishAvalanche

Kettle Please Meet Pot. Pot Please Meet Kettle.

Smoking Office Lady to Other Smoking Office Ladies: "She gets up on her roof, strips down, and just bakes in the sun. She thinks that just because she goes to the dermatologist once a month she's not going to get cancer." [Takes a long drag] "What a retard!"
Other Smoking Office Ladies (in unison): "Yeah, seriously."

Outside Hahnemann Hospital - 15th & Race
Overheard by Herbie McHebrew

Give It To Rajdeep. He'll Eat Anything.

Fat 8-year-old Irish-Catholic kid to scrawny Indian kid while looking at candy together..." I ain't gonna eat that foooking jooonk!"

South Philly market
Overheard by ashamedoftheyouthtoday

She's An Emaciated Skeleton Who Likes Curry?

Desi on Cell: "She looks like an Indian Starr Jones!"

Drexel University School of Public Health
Overheard by Anonymous

Ok, I Think We Bonded. Now Where's My Tip?

Patron (referring to her brother's girlfriend): "He baby mom due in July."
Waitress: "Oh, that's lovely! My grandchild is due in June."
Patron: "Yeah, dat's when she due. June fif!"
Waitress: "Yeah, my granddaughter's date is June 29th."
Patron: "Yeah, yeah, dat's what I said! 'Round late June. I love babies. (To brother) I so mad atchu! You seventeen!"

Melrose Diner - 1501 Snyder
Overheard by Herbie McHebrew

Broad Street Is A Good Substitute

Ambitious gentleman at the next table: "I want to go running with the bulls in Pamplona. But I'm going to start at Temple."

Copabanana, 40th and Spruce
Overheard by Ysobelle

He Was Disguised As A Lawyer

White girl on cell phone: "But we couldn't tell if he's a pirate...."

Locust and 43rd
Overheard by Anonymous

Thank Goodness For Small Favors

some hipster: "yea, well, at least she stopped huffing paint."

south street
Overheard by Anonymous

Let Them Control The World Or They'll Throw Shit At You

Bubblehead: "Well, it's inhumane. I don't think they should keep them in cages...the, you know, whatdotheycallem, kinky Jews."

Fratty Boy: "Dumbass, they're KINKAJOUS. It's a small monkey-like animal, not a person."

Bubblehead: "Oh. That's different, then."

R5, near 'Nova
Overheard by CrankyProf

Move To The Back Of The Car Whitey

While getting onto R-line train, white, nervous guy to white friend: "Are we gonna be the only white people on the train?"

18th and Market
Overheard by EastChestnut

Too Stupid To Be Racist

white construction worker: "what was the name of Speedy Gonzales' cousin? the slow one..."
mexican construction worker: "why?"
white construction worker: "because i want to start calling you that.. "

hamilon street
Overheard by Slowpoke Rodriguez

No, But My 50-Year-Old Son Does

21 year old boy to my 40 year old friend: "Do you have a younger daughter that looks just like you?"

bar in Oxford Circle Philadelphia
Overheard by sparks

Thursdee's My English As A Second Language Class

Guy # 1 "I be takin off Thursdee so you gotta step up wit my shit on da job."

Guy # 2 "Nigga you gots to be crazah."

At a 7-11 store
Bhudakhan Booby B

Manson Family Values

Obviously Drunken Man with small posse of early 20s girls: "Alright, I bet we could get a family fare. You'll be my daughter, and you can be his sister..."

Obviously Drunken Man, loudly, as conductor approaches: "Can we get a partial family fare?"

Conductor, pointing at seat: "Sir, what is that?"

Obviously Drunken Man: "That's a frappuchino."

Conductor: "No, that."

Obviously Drunken Man: "That... That is a spilled beer."

R5 Line Between Malvern and Paoli
Overheard by Yes I Board At Whitford

Ask The Previous Woman For Its Origin

Woman hurrying onto train, putting bags on seat and fishing for ticket - quite out of breath : "SMELL LIKE MEN IN HERE!!!"

Highland Avenue stop of the R2 Wilmington to Philadelphia
Overheard by R2rider

When I Get That Feeling I Need Sexual Faith Healing

Woman on train car: "now I am a saved woman but, n*&&a got the biggest dick!!!!!!"

R2 from Wilmington to Philadelphia
Overheard by R2rider

You Keep Using That Phrase. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Adorable Professor, winking: "See, now it would be just like I came on Beth* and then winked at her."

Haverford College
Overheard by not Beth

Next Stop...Tobacco

An elderly mother-type: "nah, he stopped drinking. Now he's just high on the ecstasy... and a little but of crack."

on the 57 bus
Overheard by pretend I didn't really hear that

Kids Are So Cute When They Are Stupid

Kid: "Is that all there is to see here? Flowers? That's stupid."
Random Guy Standing at Booth: "Well, that's what you come to see at a flower show..."

Philly Flower Show
Overheard by Curly

That's What Noah Said

Man exiting store with woman and two children: "It's raining out here."
Woman carrying younger child: "IT STANK OUT HERE."

Walmart on Columbus Blvd
Overheard by WTF am I doing at stanky Walmart

Can You Say Confused? I Knew You Could.

Guy #1: "Yeah, I go to gay bars sometimes."
Guy #2: "Really, so are you saying you like guys?"
Guy #1: "No. I don't like guys, but when I go to gay bars, I just dance with them and flirt with them. It's not like I have conversations with them."
Guy #2: "So, then maybe your Bi?"
Guy #1: "No, I'm just a people person."

Broad & Walnut
Overheard by Mr. WTF?

Because All She Needs Is A Nice, Hard...New Hairstyle

Girl: "Me and my friends went to Sisters, so we could see what it was like."
Guy: "Really, how was it?"
Girl: "Picture a bunch of big women with mullets, flannel and chains attached to their wallets."
Guy: "Maybe they should all go over to Woodys and get the guys to give them makeovers and fashion tips?"
Girl: "There is only so much you can do with a mullet."

18th & Chestnut
Overheard by Joanie

Shouldn't This Global Warming Have Dried Up All The Rain?

Dork: "You know, I really don't mind the rain. I mean, it's just water."
Geek: "Yeah, except for that whole "wet" part. Otherwise, it's cool."

Market & 30th Streets
Overheard by Katie K

Teaching Through Opposites

Office guy: "So, I was late because the Safe Driver course I was supposed to take got cancelled. Yeah, the instructor t-boned another car..."

Newtown Square
Overheard by Anonymous

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See Freud Was RIGHT!

Black woman #1: "Did you suck your thumb growin' up?"
Black woman #2: "No, I don't think so."
Black woman #1: "I did. Thumb suckers give the best blowjobs ya know."
Black man: "Really?"
Black woman #1 : "Yeeah. Once I was at a party with a friend, and we hooked up with a guy, well... we went off together and had a test, if ya know what I mean (I think the whole car knew what you meant) and he said I was the best, way better than my friend."
Black guy (intrigued and starting to think about possibilities): "I'd like to try that test."

mkt/frankford el
Overheard by B&N Guy

Keep Your Hobbies Out Of The Workplace

Tech woman (bathroom bound): "Are you following me? Not that many people follow me at my age."

Tech guy: "No. I'm more of the call-is-coming-from-inside-the-house kind of guy."

Law Firm Office, Center City
Overheard by 2catchapredator