Have It Your Way

Fat white girl talking to thin white girl: "I had a miscarriage."

Thin white girl to fat white girl: "Right now?"

Burger King in the Gallery
Eavesdropped by chris phillyo

Future MFA

16ish year old, at bottom of stairs: "Do these stairs go up?"

Museum staff woman coming down same stairs: "Yes..... down too."

Art Museum
Overheard by jayvee

Is Our Children Learning Morality?

5-year old boy on jungle gym: "We're pirates! This is our ship! We kill people!"

Boy's mother: "Hey! That's not nice!"

Boy: "Well, we only kill people we don't know."

Clark Park, West Philly

Double True

Drunk Guy #1: "How You Going To Tell What It Ain't? When You Can't Tell What It Is!"

Drunk Guy #2 "True That! True That!"

Front & Clearfield
Submitted by Narc

Baggage Check is So Unfabulous

Woman in leopard dress: "Why do they have conveyer belts to get bags off planes? Why don't they just have like a big motorized closet and hang the bags on hangers?"

Woman in Furry Boots: "It would be like a fashion show of bags...."

Philadelphia International Airport

D- in Logic 101

Some guy: "It's a shame Cocaine is so addictive. If it wasn't, I would do it all the time."

Driving in his Mercedes
Submitted by Klown Boy

Haute Cuisine, Sig Ep style

Frat Boy on the phone: "He's going to restaurant school?! What a fag!"

(There's a slight pause)

Frat Boy: "But seriously, man, have him make me some baked ziti..."

45th & Baltimore
Eavesdropped by gwennluin

Last Year I Got Him a Fabulous Meth Pipe

One of two guys in the lobby: "He's so hard to buy for now that he's in recovery."

William Way GLBT Community Center
Eavesdropped by High Strung Loner

WTF, Wasabi Boy?

Woman in Sushi line: "I'm sorry, did I just cut in front of you"?

Guy in sushi line: "No, you're fine. I'm only having a plate of Wasabi".

Woman: (blank stare)

Misora Express Center City
Overheard by 2manychopstix

Love Punch

50-something suit: "That guy...THAT FUCKING GUY! I mean I love him and all that, but he has a REALLY punchable face."

Rittenhouse Square
Overheard by Nod and smile

Snakes On a Plane in Motherfucking Horsham!

Baggers at adjacent lines at the Giant grocery store in Horsham. Neither could have been older than 16 years old.

Bagger 1: "Dude, is 'Snakes on a Plane' out on DVD yet?"

Bagger 2: "I don't think so."

Bagger 1 (pumping his fist in anticipation): "When that comes out, this city will NEVER be the same!"

Giant grocery store, Horsham, PA
Overheard by House Husband

West Philly Cabana Boy

Guy standing next to two seated friends: "So, yeah my Mexican friend, you remember Ernesto: bald short guy, he's staying with me during the holidays because his visa expired."

Seated friend #1: "Oh really? That's great."

Seated friend #2: "So what's he gonna do until then?"

Standing guy: "He said he likes to cook, and watch the baby. He's very motherly."

Route 34 trolley to City Hall
Eavesdropped by No wire hangers

Gatorade Enema

Older gentleman walking out of Starbucks: "I couldn't eat anything all day Saturday. Had four Gatorades, two of which came right back out. And my bowels still aren't normal."

Starbucks on 16th and Walnut
Overheard by verbalgerbil

Samish-Sex Marriage

Man 1: "My daughter's getting married next year."

Man 2: "You have my condolences. Is she marrying a man or a woman? I have to ask because you just never know these days."

Man 1: "She's marrying a man, but you might as well just call him a woman. He's such a pussy."

While at Physical Therapy
Media, PA
Eavesdropped by kateykakes

Ed. note: "Samish-Sex Marriage" courtesy George Saunders.