The Value of Education

Male college student: "Porn is the best thing that ever happened to me."

Temple campus

We Report, You Ask WTF?

Hipster chick #1 -- "You are sooo a nickel-plated crotch."

Hipster chick #2 -- "How so, ho bag?"

Hipster chick #1 -- "Cheap, yet flashy, and eventually, you make people itch."

R5, Villanova station
Overheard by CrankyProf

Did it Work?

Trolley driver: "Free ice cream and sweet potato pie in the back of the trolley!"

34 Trolley, crowded in front, plenty of room in back

Obviously a Unitarian

Conference attendee: "Well I don't care if they have sex with a horse...as long as they don't hurt the horse."

Philadelphia Convention Center
American Academy of Religion conference

Greatness

Lady on cell phone: "No, no, it's the Great Quentini, not the Great Nippulini."

10th & Spruce
Overheard by Miss Fidget

Chocolate Chip Muff-a-Done

Guy on cell phone: "...don't you believe him, because your son is a goddamn junkie that's why. And him with that muff-a-done. He makes me goddamn sick talking about him. I gotta go"

ShopRite Oregon Ave.
Ethnic Food Aisle, near cookies
Eavesdropped by Miss Fidget

Future CEO

Drunk Penn Student: "I'm just going to keep walking until I walk into something."

39th and Spruce
Submitted by Ivy

There's Luca Brazzi

Mother to 5-year-old: "No, that's the Delaware River. There's dead people in there, not sharks."

25 Bus
Delaware Ave. near Snyder
Overheard by CobaltBlueTony

Sweaty

Woman (thumbwrestling with man): "No fair: you're too sweaty and keep slipping out."

Harry Potter premiere

This Does Not Bode Well

VERY pregnant women: "We gotta get some cat litter."

Man (Husband? Boyfriend?): "We gotta get rid of that fucking cat."

Woman: "We've had this talk before. We don't have to get rid of the cat; I just can't change the litter!"

Man: "Well, who's gonna change it? Your fairy-fucking-godmother?"

Acme, Reed and 10th Streets
Overheard by Kate

Fat Is in the Ass of the Beholded

Obese Woman: "Hey, do you ever watch The Biggest Loser?"

Her Chunked-Up Pal: "The one with all the fat people? No!"

Market East
Eavesdropped by Funkytemple

Paging Maureen Dowd...

Drunk guy in bar after woman next to him changes her seat: "That bitch, I know she wants me, even though she keeps telling me she doesn't, I can tell she does."

Local tavern in Philly burb
Submitted by "sitting on other side of drunk"

A Theme is Emerging

Things that SEPTA smells like, according to our correspondents' sources:

• a fart
• grampa
• smegma
• a man's ass
• piss

Things that smell like SEPTA:

• sidewalk piss
• Cheers to You

They Pronounced it "Rebel" BTW

Cashier 1: "Red Bull used to have alcohol in it?"

Cashier 2: "Yeah, but you couldn't get it in stores, only in bars."

Cashier 1: "Red Bull? It had alcohol in it?"

Cashier 2: "Yeah."

Cashier 1: "Oh, I remember that, it had a red bull on the can right?"

Cashier 2: "Yeah."

Cashier 1: "And it came in a real big can, right?"

Cashier 2: "No, a little can."

Cashier 1: Yeah, I remember that."

Newsstand/book store, 30th St Station

He Makes it Sound So Appealing

One frat boy to another: "You want to come with me? I'm getting my dick pierced."

5th and South
Eavesdropped by Twistedlyn

He Makes it Sound So Appealing

One frat boy to another: "You want to come with me? I'm getting my dick pierced."

5th and South
Eavesdropped by Twistedlyn

Grampa Needs to See a Doctor

Girl: "It smells like grampa down here!"

Broad Street line, City Hall station
Overheard by Ed N

Sounds Like George Has "Issues"

Father: "That's gay. Getting a giant tennis ball signed by a woman player is gay."

Son (about 5 years old): "No it's not!"

Father: "Yes it is. That's gay."

Mother: "Oh, George -- just stop it."

Father: [snorts derisively]

Son: "It's not gay."

Villanova University
Advanta Women's Tennis Championship, VIP section

Qdoba Sucks, BTW

Penn Kid #1: "The guy who commissioned the Mona Lisa..."

Penn Kid #2: "Wait, what does 'commissioned' mean?"

Penn Kid #1: "It means he asked for it to be painted and he paid for it."

Penn Kid #3: "Oh, I thought the Mona Lisa was a self-portrait?"

Qdoba, 40th and Walnut

Actually, I Think He's Right

Girl : "You are such an alcoholic."

Guy : "Just because I drink everyday does not make me an alcoholic!"

16th & Chestnut

I've Been Blonde for 5 Minutes and I'm Dumb Already

Woman getting (blonde) dye job: "Do you have one of those $200 blow dryers? They're like, um, Ti- Ti- ... Titanium?"

Hair dresser: "You mean turbo?"

Woman: "Yeah, that's it!"

Hair cutting place, University City

DIY, PVC, WTF?

Housing counselor at Mazzoni Center: "You just need to use PVC piping."

Housing client: "How do you spell PVC?"

1201 Chestnut Street, 6th floor
Overheard by Ed and Steve

Beneath the Golden Arches

McDonald's cashier: "You can get your own soda, it's around the corner to the left."

Woman with kids: "Shit, I ain't know the soda machine was round here. Shit, next time imma bring my own cup."

McDonald's
Broad and Vine
eavesdropped by eyespy

Is Our Children Learning Anatomy?

Dude [talking about sex]: "Do a girl so hard you hurt her in the Adam's apple."

Matlack St., West Chester
Submitted by Applejax

She <3s SEPTA

Girl: "I wish I had a dick so SEPTA could suck it."

Market East Station

How "Snooty" Can You Be When You're Publicly Discussing "Dickcheese"?

Snooty 'Nova chick #1: "God, this train always smells like smeg. It's like, you ought to get complimentary crackers with the dickcheese."

Snooty 'Nova chick #2: "Well, you would know. You're always dating the 'velveeta turtleneck' dudes."

On the R5
Eavesdropped by A Nonny Mouse

?

Female Student: "That's not cool! Now everyone's gonna know I'm a chicken rapist!"

33rd and Market
Submitted by m dawg

No Shit?

Woman walking down street yelling to guy behind her: "That don't matter! You ain't shit!"

Guy walking a few feet behind her: "I used to be shit!"

12th street, near Chestnut
Overheard by Ed N

Actually, It's More Like a South Asian Smörgåsbord

Guy on cell phone: "It's not like an Indian restaurant. It's more like an Indian buffet."

10th & South
Overheard by Radio Robert

Usually It's the Passengers Getting Robbed

Loudspeaker: "Ladies and gentlemen, may we have your attention. The conductor has just been robbed. Please be patient as we wait for the police to arrive."

R6 train

Sloth or Entropy?

Thirtysomething girl leaning in to thirtysomething guy, all intensely: "No no, listen! Listen closely. You have one job. And that is to get out of Philadelphia. If you do that," (leans closer) "you'll have accomplished something no one else can."

Royal Tavern
Overheard by darlington

Ouch!

Random crazy guy (to anyone that will listen): "I can get laid!"

Woman sitting at table: "Is that why you are pissing yourself right now?"

Fairmount pizza joint
Overheard by TragicHipsterPHL

Sweet Little Sixteen

1st Girl: "We saw you drinking last night. You're thirteen! We're so upset with you!!"

2nd Girl: "Yeah, well, you were drinking, too."
1st Girl: "Yes, but I'm sixteen."

Manayunk, around Silverwood and Green
Eavesdropped by fiendFriend