What a Grumpy Host Organism!

Girl talking on pay phone: "No, that's not why I left you. I left you because you called my unborn child a fucking parasite."

Submitted by camp modern

Yeah, And You're Part Idiot, Part Moron

Crazy man with pet carrier to entire deli: "I got me a cougar... Got it from my uncle in Virginia."

Man #2: "Can I see?"

Woman: "You better keep away from that thing!!! I hear they are part cat part wolf."

Salt & Pepper Deli
47th & Chester Ave
Overheard by Brannon

But I Heard El Gato is Awesome!

Cynical girl: "Apparently all you need to do to pack a dance floor in Philly is play a bunch of crappy top 40 hip hop and the occasional random classic 80's track."

DJ: "Yeah, I heard Steven Starr is opening a new restaurant...it's only serving bowls of cat poop...but you get to choose the topping! The place will be mobbed up."

3 am, Outside Transit nightclub
Submitted by Kelly Kell

OK, Everyone Off the Train. Some Chick Just Made a Discovery.

Twentysomething chick: "Excuse me, this may seem like a dumb question... but does this train run on gas?"

Conductor: "It runs on electricity."

Chick: "Well it's raining... Doesn't that mean it's dangerous?"

Conductor: "NO."

PATCO train from Jersey to Philly
Eavesdropped by marcyv

A Bargain Compared to ATMs

Desperate guy: "I heard you sell stamps."

Asian deli woman: "Yes."

Desperate guy: "Can I get one?" [Hands over 37 cents.]

Asian deli woman: "Forty-nine."

Desperate guy: "Forty-nine cents?"

Asian deli woman: "Yes. Convenient means expensive."

Deli in Hopkinson House
Washington Square
Submitted by Desperate Hours Productions

You're a Regular Joan Osborne

Random Temple Student: "I wonder if God poops? You know, like when people say 'Holy Shit.'"

Temple Campus

Bob, You Are SO Busted

Guy on bench #1: "You know Bob?"

Guy on bench # 2: "Yeah."

Guy 1: "You know Bob has a crack house set up over in South Philly."

Guy 2: "That's cool."

Rittenhouse Square
Eavesdropped by *amber

Size Does Matter

Two black ladies buying a cell phone: "Damn, that is one small ass phone for a nigger without a job."

Sprint store, 18th & Market

No, I Was Canoeing and Bathing

Case manager: "You can't use alcohol as a meal replacement! ... Yes, you do sound stupid, I'm glad you said it. You are not a casual drinker! No one that drinks at 8am as a meal replacement is a casual drinker! ... So you were up all night crocheting and drinking?

1201 Chestnut Street
Submitted by NEB

Damn, My Worldview Hasn't Changed in 20 Years

Party Host: "...very interesting article [in The New Yorker magazine]. It changed my view of the world as much as anything I've read in the last six months!"

Luxury condo apartment, Center City

Maybe He's a Geno's Man

Local Working Philly Guy: "I am going to Pat's for lunch, you want something?"

Not Local Working Guy: "Who the hell is Pat?"

11th & Market
Outside of Aramark Building
Overheard by thelivesoldier

Oh! I Didn't Think You'd Noticed!

Hispanic Biker Woman: "It smells like a man's ass in here!"

Market-Frankford El
Eavesdropped by MonieInDaMiddle

Jergen Off

Temple Orientation Lady: "You should always avoid using jargon."

Dumb dude: "What's wrong with Jergen's lotion? I use dat shit all da time. Ain't nuttin wrong wit Jergen's."

Temple U Orientation, student faculty building

Is That Like Décollage?

Me: "I dont really think your boyfriend likes me."

Coworker: "That's because he thinks you 'psycholage' me all the time."

Hollywood Tans - Aramingo/Belgrade
Submitted by C

Um, Did You Happen To Overhear A Date & Location?

Guy: "I still think naked parties are weird."

Girl: "Well, it's not like they're having sex."

Pattaya Grill, 40th & Chestnut

Happy Trails

Bum with Bike: "I got a horse named Trigger, how do you figure. How do you figure, I got a horse named Trigger. How do you figure? Hello, pretty ladies. I got a horse named Trigger."

20th St. Wawa
Submitted by singingcynic

Summer's Eve

Hipster Girl: "Yeah, so he had 'rock 'n' roll' tattooed on the side of his neck, so you know this guy was a total douche."

Outside TLA
Overheard by phuuuu

They're Actually Cambodians. We Dress Them Up Like That.

Woman: "Wow, this must be great food, I see you have real Mexicans sitting outside!"

Mexican food truck, 36th and Market St.
Eavesdropped by m dawg

Are You French or Gulden?

Man: "I invented mustard."

12th & Locust

Bedpanhandler

Homeless guy: "Hey buddy, you got a dollar? Cause I'd hate to have to dump on ya."

15th & Chestnut
Submitted by JHill

Is That Bar Really Still There?

Guy coming out of bar: "Dude! It smells like a SEPTA tank in there!!"

Cheers to You, South Street
Overheard by Jen O

If You Really Loved Me You'd Bring Me a Finger

Woman 1: "My old man just came back from Iraq and he brought me a patch off a dead Iraqi he saw."

Woman 2: "Wow. He must really love you!"

Methadone clinic, Center City

Hallmark Should Make a Card Like This

Guy on El to friend: "It's so great that you're out of prison. I hope you're out for a while. Hey, we should see who can stay out the longest!"

The El going to the Somerset Stop
Submitted by Jon!