Improving Race Relations One Bag at a Time

Black guy to white guy: "Hey man, I ain't racist -- you want some weed as long as you ain't a cop?"

Broad Street, late Saturday night
Overheard by Wedgie Right

There Must Be Some Other Explanation

Ophthalmologist speaking about her ophthalmologist friend: "I don't understand why she takes so long to give a simple eye exam. It's as if she actually cares about the patient!"

Cottman Avenue

Like Groundhog Day, Only Nasty

Some guy; "Get outta bed, wash my ass, put some clothes on my behind... over and over again..."

Market Frankford El
Eavesdropped by nancypants

Maybe It's Your Upper Lip

Woman entering trolley: "For some reason, this car always smell like a fart."

Subway-surface line, SEPTA 40th street station

No Salt, Only Pepper

Crazy old lady with missing teeth, to bystander: "Can I have fifty cents? All I have is 2 pennies. I went shopping, man, and I bought everything! But now I got no money. I have 12 cats, all black!"
Salt & Pepper Deli, 47th & Chester Ave
Overheard by Babs

Lost & Bound

Waitress: "Did anybody turn in a pair of handcuffs?"

Other waitresses glare at her.

Waitress: "Uh... they're an officer's."

Midtown Diner II
Overheard by Wedgie Right

The Truth About Mice and Dogs

Drunk man to his cronies: "Now, the mouse has always been a friend to the dog. Just look at Tom & Jerry!"

12th Street & Chestnut
Overheard by Vis Major

A Double Scoop of Stupid

Customer: "I'd like a small cone of chocolate ice cream, please."

Counter person: "OK. Cone or cup?"

Customer: "Cone."

Counter person: "What size?"

Customer: "Small."

Counter person: "What kind of ice cream?"

Customer: "Chocolate."

Ice cream store, Center City
Eavesdropped by Ted Adams

The Devil and Mr. Nabokov

Crazy guy, to a girl in her twenties reading Lolita: "Are those your legs on the cover?"

Girl: "No, she's supposed to be 12, and I'm...not."

Crazy guy: "So that's not you?"

Girl: "Nope, sorry."

<pause>

Crazy guy: "You know the devil wrote that book."

Market East Station

I Got Your Can of Soda Right Here

Girl in slippers with holes, who had just put down two large overstuffed backpacks at a booth, standing in front of a cooler filled with bottles of soda: "You don't sell cans of soda?

Employee: "Nope!"

Girl: Sighs, walks back over to two overstuffed bags, loads them back on to her shoulder, and storms out of the restaurant

Zio's Pizza, 13th between Chestnut and Sansom
Overheard by Ed

Bluefish Hoagie

Twentysomething male #1: "Man, you ain't go to no college."

Twentysomething male #2: "Yes I did."

Male #1: "Yeah, the college of no knowledge." (laughing)

Male #2: "Man, shut yo' shit. Omma get me a bluefish hoagie when we get back to the 'hood."

Bus ride coming back from Penn State
Overheard by Vincent Van Dog

Complicated Euphemism?

Woman pushing baby carriage, talking to friend: "He won't even visit us if we have a dirty bathroom."

10th & Pine
Submitted by Radio Robert

Idiom Idiot

Obese woman: "Oooh, Lord. Am I glad I killed that bird with that stone."

19th & Chestnut

They Like Other Boys Too

Very loud crazy guy: "Why do all priests like altar boys?"

Route 66 bus in NE Philly
Overheard by mars

So?

Twenty-something woman to friend: "I told that man I can't go out with you, you used to date my mother..."

One Commerce Square
Overheard by Skeeto

He's Probably Doing a Marketing Study for MTV

Random guy on street, waving arms wildly: "Triple H versus 50 Cent... who'd win?"

Outside a food truck in Center City
Overheard by Wedgie Right

Context is Everything

Middle aged man (to woman -- both riding bikes): "...and her point is you forced me to abort my baby."

South St. Between 8th & 9th
Overheard by Radio Robert

And We Wouldn't Want That to Happen

Businessman #1: "...and if that happens, you know, I could lose my man sac."

Businessman #2: "Yeah, I know just what you mean."

Center City Hotel Lobby
Overheard by Simon Templar

Note to Self: Add "Withdrawl" to Vocabulary

Lady: "When you in a accident, you just withdrawl, like a turtle".

1201 Chestnut St., 6th floor
Lady in UP elevator that opened and closed while I was waiting for a DOWN car
Submitted by Radio Robert

Little Shavers

Chunky 14-year-old (boy): "I need some alone time."

Chunkier 14-year-old (girl): "Why you need some alone time? You need some alone time so yo can shave yo ass! Yo ass got more hair on it than ya head. You need to shaaaaaaaaaaave that Azzzzzzzzzzzzz!"

Orange line between Girard and Susquehanna
Overheard by Crazy Carl

Mother of the Year

Female Security Guard: "I have a son. He's going to be one. Oh no, wait, maybe he's going to be two...."

Center City office building

Strictly a First-Class Whore

Hot 30-something woman to another hot 30-something woman: "Even if he doesn't book it first class, you should still stay with him."

In front of Le Bec Fin
Overheard by Pierce Rosales

Hardhat Funnies

Worker #1, lowering hose: "Hey, do you have enough hose?"

Worker #2 (singing): "I got hos, in different area codes!'

10th and Spruce-ish
Overheard by Wedgie Right

Submizzle

Guy #1: "You been gettin' bizzle with that gizzle?"
Guy #2: "How did you nizzle? You reading my mizzle?"

The El
Overhizzle by Agent D

Submission

Guy on cell phone: "You know, I was only there 'cause of Peter. You know 'cause he's into all that kinda cute foreplay and shit...."

South Street
Overheard by Kate

Those New Parking Cards Will Make Anyone Yell

Disheveled woman yelling at a parking meter: "You better recognize!"

Broad and Arch

Is He Referring to the Unfortunately-Named Boston Kreme Kandy Kakes?

Man yelling to another man across the street: "Yo, when that new TastyKake comes out I'm a be all over that shit!!"

South Street

Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam

Loser guy (to no one in particular): "You know, apparently there's a Harry Potter summer camp. And I thought the Klingon Language Institute summer camp was bad."

Fat blonde: "I used to date a guy who was fluent in Klingon."

Office of a prestigious Philly law firm
Overheard by LilB